Flutter by, Butterfly

Chapter 20

I went to bed that night still in a good mood. Since my life had improved, and I had friends now, I didn't feel so alone anymore. I didn't have any more nightmares. That night they returned. I dreamed of Alejandro; terrible, vivid dreams.

I could see him, as a toddler, reaching out to Maria with tears streaming down his face, down hers. She knew it would be the last time she was going to see him. They were taking him away. My parents were there, witnessing the scene, their eyes so cold. She touched the stuffed pig in his hands, telling him "Hold your brother close." He gave her the bull, telling her Ferdinand would protect her, the same way she gave that bull to me.

I could see him dropped off in the woods, alone, running. I could see Lobo, still young. I could sense this was when he first came out. They were after him. He had a knack for hiding. I did not understand why they were coming after him with a knife. Were they hunting him? I saw him make his first kill, by grabbing a poisonous snake and sneaking it into the other man's boot. They then recruited him, training him in things like hand to hand combat, and shooting different kinds of guns. Some of the things I could not fully understand. I could see they were all military related.

He grew older, and I watched him kill with his bare hands. It wasn't easy on him. Each time it made him a little more numb. Eventually, as he grew older, Hugo came to be. I could see the military could not tell the difference between him and Lobo. Lobo was the warrior. Lobo was quiet rage. Hugo was logic, and came when there needed to be reason, and no need for feeling.

I could see Alejandro with Dumb-dumb and Loco. They knew of his secrets. They were working together on something. Something the military or government did not know. Something they all wanted to destroy.

And then I saw Lobo, trapped and alone. There were other people there, hurting him! He looked like a soldier being tortured. Then inside his brain, I could see his soul start to fragment again. Something from Lobo and Hugo, and then it entered a part of Loki. Loki.... The scene all changed. He was with my parents again. What were my parents doing to him? NO!

I woke up from my bed, screaming. Almost immediately, my cell phone began to ring. I was reminded that he was probably watching me, and listening. Once again, I was reminded that I was not alone at all.

"Al?" I said with tears streaming down my face.

"Jani, what's wrong?" he said, his voice full of concern.

"I had a dream of you," I said, still sobbing.

"Tell me."

I told him everything. I broke apart all over again when I had to relive what he had to go through, especially with my parents. He did not allow me to skip over with anything. When it was over, he assured me that everything I had dreamed was all true. In the soldier scene, it was in those couple of years he was out of the public eye. He was out on a secret mission, and was caught on enemy lines. He soul-split again while he was being tortured.

He also confirmed what I didn't want to know. I hated learning the things my parents did. He was just a child! But this event is what separated the young Loki, the child full of talent, from the anguished child and fused him with the tormented soldier, creating what was known as "the tortured soul." The tortured soul more or less took over the role of Loki, and nobody was the wiser for it, but he was also an unstable drug addict and an alcoholic when left free to roam for too long.

With some difficulty, Lobo and Hugo both managed to tell me of what they called "the sadistic bastard." This was the part of Alejandro that had to do blood-thirsty things on command, and enjoyed them. They both warned me that he was a force to be reckoned with, and that they all had to work together to keep me safe from him.

"I understand," I said. "What was the dark place?"

"The dark place?" he asked.

I continued on. It was a place in his mind that I could see not even Hugo could reach. Hugo was logic and reason. There was no room for either there, but I could see the potential that they could all eventually enter in, as their feelings continued to grow for me.

"That's good," said Hugo. "There may be hope for us yet."

That was wonderful to hear.

"That void you saw is known as the animal," said Hugo. "He typically comes when we are in danger; but every once in a while, something triggers him to come out. If you by any chance meet this side of us, you must be forewarned that this could be very dangerous for you."

"I would never hurt you," I said.

"But who is to say that we won't hurt you?"

"I once met a pit bull at one of the animal shelters," I said. "I could see that he had been beaten, neglected, and treated terribly. I bathed him, fed him, took him for a walk, and it wasn't until I had put him back in his pen that I had been informed he had nearly killed a man."

"Only nearly?"

"He kept an attacker from hurting a child."

"Sounds like we have a lot in common," said Lobo.

"No doubt," I said.

"Indeed," said Hugo.

"Jani..." I hadn't heard that tone in so long.

"Hello, Romeo," I said.

"Did you miss me?"

"Always," I said.

"Do you wish to speak to him instead of me," asked Hugo.

"Or me?" asked Lobo.

"Why choose?" I asked. "Alejandro, I'm in love with you, all of you, and I long for the day when I can love you as a whole."

Silence.

"Al? Are you still there?"

Stillness.

"Al?"

"Te quiero con todo mi alma. Eres el amor de mi vida. Cada dia te quiero mas."

"Eres mi todo," I replied.

"Jani! Don't talk to me that way!" This time it was Carlos, full of anguish.

"Jani," Hugo said after a pause. "It appears that your knowledge of how to speak in our mother tongue will trigger our character of longing."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't ever apologize for that," said Romeo. "You are the light of my world, our world! And you are the only one we have ever known that has unconditionally accepted every side of us. For that we are all grateful, and humbled. I am the one who meets and interacts with new people. I hang around for a little while, but eventually, Hugo takes over."

"Love is always full of fluff and sweet words at first," I said, "but eventually there is nothing left to say. Just I love you, and that is all."

"Not everyone sees it that way," said Hugo. "I have appeared to many, and I am turned away. I am boring and cold, I am told."

"And I am told I am intimidating and frightening," said Lobo.

"I will still be here with pretty words every once in a while," said Romeo.

"And I will always be here to protect you," said Lobo.

"And I shall always remain," said Hugo.

"I love you," I said. And that was all.