Flutter by, Butterfly

Chapter 31

I could not touch him again. Not as my lover. Alejandro anticipated this and had packed along a DNA kit, even as he assured me it wasn't so. A copy of my birth certificate was in there, along with my biological mother, our health records, and a little of our family tree lineage. The father was unknown. I looked at Alejandro in dread when I read that.

"It worried me as well."

He explained that while I was away at the boarding school, he took the time to do some research of his own.

"I was very attracted to you, even then, but....they gave me reason to wonder as well. I just did not trust them."

I understood that fully, but I was very thankful that he would let me see the results myself. Alejandro, was in no way, my biological brother or relative in any shape or form.

I felt relieved. I felt angry. I was angry for what Alejandro was put through. I was angry for what I had to be put through. Where would I be in this world if it weren't for my protector, my lover? Why didn't anyone take the time to protect him when he needed to be? What kind of world did I bring our children into?

It made me distant. I was not in a touchy feely kind of mood at all. He could sense it all through the day.

"Jani...."

I could feel his hurt, his worry that I was rejecting him. I was not feeling it, but I gave him a hug. "I'm still here," I said. "I'll always be here." The words I truly meant. As he wrapped his arms around me, I felt that all too familiar trickle of warmth between my legs, and a terrible cramping in my abdomen.

"Oh God!" I said.

"What's wrong?"

"It's my period!"

"Is that all?" He laughed. He actually laughed!

"Is that all you have to say?"

"It happens."

"Please tell me Ellied remembered to stash me some girlie things, because I completely forgot!"

"Well...."

"Oh no! What are we going to do?" I practically wailed. "I'm going to have to sleep on the floor, and all my clothes and any blankets I use are going to be ruined! I can't even snuggle with you now without getting you messy!"

"We'll work it out."

We did still have the option of driving to the nearest city, but neither one of us felt up to it and he didn't want to leave me alone for that long. In the end, Alejandro gathered me some wild cat-tails, and showed me how his mother used to harvest the down for her own personal use. We managed to make a crude set of feminine napkins with the stuffing and some thick blankets we cut up. He fetched the water for me. He chopped wood to heat the bath water. He helped me wash my hair. All the while, I had a terrible ache.

I thought of Maria at this time, a lot. I thought of the way my parents treated her. I could tell there were moments when she was hurting. At these times, I would ask her to read me a story, or sing to me while she held me on her lap. The people I called my parents were so mean to her. Alejandro did not make me feel ashamed at all, or ask me to do anything I couldn't.

Eventually, this part of my life began to slow down, along with the physical pain that accompanied it. Alejandro never stopped sleeping next to me. His hands would instinctively go to wherever I hurt the worst, offering me warmth on my aching muscles. We waited a couple of more days when it stopped, content just to cuddle for a moment. He was just as in tune to my body as I was his, sensing my slow return of strength.

I woke up to the feel of his teasing. I knew that Carlos had returned. I let him continue to touch me, slowly exciting me. I could not think of a more beautiful way to wake-up. I turned to him. When he would have kissed me, I stopped him with a gentle finger on his lips.

"Jani?"

I placed his hand above my heart. "Please don't break it."

He looked at me with concern.

"Promise me you will protect me. I will die if you break my heart." My voice cracked just a little.

I could feel the tenderness of Romeo alongside the protectiveness of Lobo, already mixed with the dominant sides of Alejandro. I could feel them all combining, making him closer than ever to be whole again.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said near tears.

Ours was a healing reunion as our bodies joined once again. We clung to one another tightly, even in the aftermath. I could feel his worry troubling his mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I never wanted this kind of life for you, for us."

"You did the best you could. I would be lost without you."

He rolled to his side, still clinging to me so he could look me in the eye. "How can I protect you if I can't protect myself? We have come so close, but with the right words all of this can come undone."

Tears welled in my eyes. He was right. I held his hand so tightly.

"I want this so bad."

"Me too, my butterfly, me too." He held me close. "I want to lie with you forever, just like this. I want to watch our children grow as we grow old together. I want to love you with all of my heart and soul, but at any time, if it no longer suits them, we could lose everything." I knew the "them" he was speaking of. The same "them" and "they" that started all this mess. Why did the monarch project ever have to come to be?

"Then I will take what I can get, and enjoy every moment with you while I still can," I replied.

"You deserve so much more."

"We both do."

We both fell asleep in one anothers embrace, the sounds of our breathing a sweet serenade.