Lose you to Love me...

CHAPTER 27 ♡♡

Nothing can prepare you for heartbreak,you could listen to music about heart break, read books or even watch movies where people get heartbroken but none of that prepares you for the agonising pain you go through.

It's the worst kind of pain because it's not physical, so you can't put a band aid on it, you can't painkillers to numb the pain. All you can do is live through it and hope the pain goes away. You cry until all your tears dry out and eating becomes such a task, you just want to stay in bed because suddenly you feel worthless.

You feel as though it's all your fault, you could've been better and more attractive to the person maybe he wouldn't have broken your heart, you wish you hadn't went to visit him, then you wouldn't know and you'd still be inlove and happy. You just want to pick your phone up and call the person,tell him it's okay, you forgive him for what he did.

That's how I felt, it's been two months since i found him sleeping with another girl and I broke it off. He tried to reach out, he spoke to my parents and Jamie, he would leave thousands of voicemails on my phone and tons of whatsapp messages, most of them were apologies and some were telling me how i love to exaggerate things.

I would come home from work and listen to them all, I was beginning to be a bit pathetic if you ask me, but after nine years hearing his voice still calmed me and the voice messages were the only way I could hear his voice. Like is said, pathetic.

I could feel my walls slowly building up and so did my family, I hardly visited them, I preferred wallowing in my own sadness alone. It was jayden who smacked some sense into me. He came over my place uninvited and he found my apartment a mess, and me an even bigger mess, I couldn't be bothered, I felt sorry for myself and I let myself go.

"okay,enough is enough. The first month i told myself to let you be, because you had just experienced heartbreak, but now this is just ridiculous and disgusting. I know you're heartbroken Jane, but it's been two months now, and this is not healthy, you're not only hurting yourself,you're hurting everyone around you, do you know how many times mom calls me, crying, because she's worried about you, or how Jamie feels, don't even get me started about dad, you being like this, is hurting us Jane..."Jay said and I felt myself almosttear up, buy I had cried so much, I had no tears left to cry.

"I'm sorry... "I managed to say, because I had nothing, I felt helpless.

"at this point, I don't care about your sorry, what i need is for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, yes you loved him for nine years, yes he cheated on you and yes that broke your heart, but Jane that had nothing to do with you, he chose to cheat not you, so stop blaming yourself  and punishing  yourself.

He was just one fish in a huge fish tank, it wasn't meant to be and I might sound a but harsh but I'm serious, you're beautiful and smart and have a killer personality, you'll find someone better. Right now though I need you to go take a shower first, while I clean up this mess, get dressed and I'm driving you to our parents' house and you'll stay there for the weekend, so pack everything you need.. "jay said and I  felt myself smile a bit

He always knew How To wake me up and pick me up when I was down. I loved him for that.

"I love you so much and thank you for being the brother that you are to me. You're right, I can't keep feeling sorry for myself, especially since I have so much going for me. I have to get my life back... "I told him.

"good now go get ready, we're leaving soon"he said and I did as I was told.

                                   ☜☆☞

Being with my parent's always made me happy, I remember when I arrived from seeing Shawn after our break up and I came to my parents  house and my mother had just hugged me and let me cry, she didn't ask any questions, she just comforted me and waited till I was ready.