Lose you to Love me...

CHAPTER 31 ♡♡

The thing about dating after being heartbroken the way I was, is it makes you question your partner's motives, I'm always expecting Tony to let me down and him being the sweetheart he is,has to always reassure me that he isn't going anywhere anytime  soon.

And with us being together for four months already, one would think I would believe it by now, but even though we've been on countless dates, even though he spent Christmas with my family and I,and I spent new years eve and day, with his family .i still have that annoying voice at the back of my mind that keeps telling me not to get too comfortable and attached.

I feel terrible because Tony is nothing like Shawn, he's very matured and he is more of a take action type of man, rather than an all talk. It's one of the things I love about him.

Love?

I know for sure that I love him, I love a lot of things about him, but I'm not sure if I'm inlove with him, I don't know what it means to be inlove anymore, I used to think it meant unending adoration, always together or thinking about the other person, I used to think a lot of things about being inlove but that was then, now, I have no clue, what that feels like.

All these thoughts were distracting me from my work, the only reason i keep thinking about this is because when we went out last night Tony asked me if I ever wanted to get married, especially since what happened with Shawn. Yes, I told him about Shawn, it was the only way I could make him understand why I was very hesitant with him and he told me

'just because one guy,was an asshole to you, doesn't mean we all will be. I know what you went through was heartbreaking and trust me I want to punch that guy so hard, but I really wish you'd stop punishing me and yourself for his mistake. 'Tony  said

His words stayed with me, I really was punishing him for Shawn's mistake, which was unfair of me.i really did love Shawn at one point and it was beautiful  but that wasn't true love, I thought it was because, I realize I always craved that perfect relationship, the one that my parents had, the one momma and dad had and the one Jayden and Kyle have. I was so focused on making sure our relationship was perfect that I sacrificed myself. I really need to talk to Tony.

I picked up my cellphone and called Samantha to come to my office.

"yes, Jane, what do you need? "she asked as she walked into my office.

I really appreciate her, she's my best friend.

"I know, you have a lot in your plate, but can you please order one large pizza and a salad  dish from that pizza place Tony likes? "I asked her. It's not that I couldn't do it, it's just that, she had quicker ways.

"yeah, sure, any reason, you're spoiling the guy, did you guys have an argument again? "she asked and I laughed shaking my head no, while remembering Tony and I's argument that had my stubborn ass ignoring him for two days, until I just couldn't to I bought him the same thing as an apology.

Being with him, made me realise that relationships  aren't all sunshine and rainbows and that's what makes them beautiful. That's why I love him...

Wait... I... I love him.... I'm inlove with Anthony Grayson Stevens...

I need to tell him..

"what?... What happened... Did you guys really fight? "she asked probably seeing my facial expression... I laughed again and got up from my seat  and went to  hug her.

"woah,okay,okay,i love a little  girl action just like the next person  but I dont swing that way girly, now tell me, you're creeping me out.."she demanded and I laughed louder this time and pulled away from her.