Lose you to Love me...

CHAPTER 16 ♡♡

Do you ever feel insecure,paranoid and jumpy  ?. No?, just me. Okay then. Well i've always  been one to pride myself  with the fact that nothing ever made me feel any of those emotions, simply  because there was no one who I felt inferior to and I hardly had friends or whatever.

But there are times when I feel insecure, not because of  someone, no, it happens every month for about four to five days when I get my period, it's the only time I don't feel so confident and I'm  always feeling as if I've messed myself up and the pain doesn't help either, it makes me feel uncomfortable being around people, like Geez I get it, I'm not pregnant,no need to punish me...

It is also during these days that my emotions are all over the place, I'm not moody per se, I just want to be left alone, I want to ride it out alone, I don't want an audience and my appetite  is non-existant  so at the end of the cycle I always find that I loose a few kilos. So even though my period did not come the day after my talk with Shawn, the following Tuesday I woke up  with stomach cramps and I knew it was going to be a long week.

Jayden was the perfect gentleman this morning and he even made me breakfast and walked me to my class. I was in pain and walking  wasn't really helping but I wasn't one to skip class because my body was rejuvenating itself. So I sucked it up and not having Jay in any of my classes made me realise that I had gotten  used to having him around and whining to him about everything that I felt lonely without him around .

I went and sat at the very back of the class, my plan was to suffer with very few people watching,unfortunately i forgot about the one person I could never escape.

"good morning baby" Shawn cooed then leaned in and gave me a lingering kiss on the lips,something that he seemed to love doing, no matter how many times i tell him that I'm not a fan of PDA and being a part of it makes me feel like A bloody hypocrite... Really you're making a blood reference...

"baby? Whatever  happened  to grey or Jane, oh how I miss being called that"i mumbled lowly trying to ride out another wave of menstrual  pain. I was just teasing him, since I agreed to be his girlfriend he has been calling names like, sweetheart, baby, babe, or honey.. Made me feel like we were an old married couple.

"someone is grouchy this morning, but not to worry, I got you  babe, which is why I went and bought you some breakfast, I would have made you some, but I overslept "he said apologetically

"thanks Shawn, you didn't have to, but I appreciate it "I told him as I placed the food in my backpack, I wasn't hungry.

"you're not even going to have a bite, it's  so unlike you"shawn commented  and I cursed his very observant  eye.

"I'm not hungry "I stated simply. But that did not seem to satisfy my boyfriend. Boyfriend, it still sounds foreign to me. Just thinking  about it reminded me of when  I told him i would be his girlfriend  that night...

Recap

I took a deep breath, breathing away all my nerves.

"okay"i simply said and I saw a flash of disappointment  in his eyes but he quickly covered it up with a forced smile

"I understand "he said and I  was a bit confused,not really  the reaction I was expecting,especially from a guy whose been on my case for months..

Maybe this is how relationships work.i thought  then  sighed.

" not really the reaction I was expecting  but I guess you're still in shock or  whatever but  please refrain from picking me up and swinging me around, I might have said I'd be your girlfriend  but I can still  kick your ass"i told him and he looked at me as if I grew an extra head.