Thoughts With Unicorn Dusts

Definition of Love (SHORT STORY)

It's been years since we last saw each other. And surprisingly, you are still the same. Same hair, same body built and same smile that I like the most. Bakit ba? Ano ang meron sa ngiti mo na noong araw ay hindi ako nagsasawang makita. Siguro, iyon ay dahil abot hanggang mata ang iyong kasiyahan. Gustong-gusto ko noon na pangitiin ka, at nakakagaan sa aking pakiramdam kapag alam ko na ako ang dahilan nang iyong pagtawa. Pero meron ding konting pagbabago sa iyo. Kung dati ang iyong buhok ay itim na itim, now it has some touch of dark blonde. Pero bumagay naman sayo. Isa lang naman talaga ang hindi nagbago sa iyo. Wala ka pa ring alam sa nararamdaman ko sayo noon. However, it should not matter now. You're happy and that is what's important. But allow me to reminisce the past, so I can finally let go. Parang nakalimutan ko na kasi kung paano tayo nagkakilala. I guess that's what I need so I can close this chapter of my life.

It was summer when we first met. I was enrolled in a summer computer class and you were my classmate. At first, hindi kita napapansin. Pareho kasi tayong tahimik. And then our teacher grouped as into two and you became my partner. Lumipas ang mga araw, ang alam ko lang ay ang iyong pangalan. Wala ka din namang imik noon kaya hindi na ako nag-abalang kilalanin ka. Ako iyong madalas nakaupo sa harap ng computer habang ikaw naman ay nasa tagiliran ko at tahimik na tumitingin sa aking ginagawa. Wala naman talaga akong ginagawa maliban sa paglalaro ng Pinball. Nakakatawang isipin, na kahit minsan ay hindi mo ako sinaway. Basta nakatingin ka lang. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba iyon nahihiya ka or nawiwili ka rin sa panonood sa aking paglalaro. Sa bandang huli, ako na rin ang nahiya at ikaw na ang pinaupo ko sa harap ng computer. Wala naman akong natutunan sa summer class na iyon maliban sa pagiging expert sa Pinball. Summer has ended and I forgot about you but I guess fate has planned something different for us. I saw you again first day of my third year in high school. It took us one conversation to start our friendship. From then on, you've been an important part of my life. Para kang rekado sa buhay ko. Paminta, kasi sa maaanghang mong salita ako ay iyong napapatawa. Asukal, dahil sa iyong mga gawi, pagod ko ay napapawi lalo pag nakita ko na ang iyong matamis na ngiti. Asin, binabalanse mo ang katabangan sa buhay ko. At suka, dahil minsan ay ang asim mo! Biro lang. I don't know what drawn me into you. I just woke up one day, wishing you'll smile some more, yearning for your approval, hoping you'll think of me as someone you can lean on. I was confused, to say the least. There were times that I asked myself what is this that I am feeling towards you. Bakit ikaw? Hindi ba pwede yong classmate na lang natin na magaling sa Science, o kahit iyong student president na lang na magaling sumayaw. Hindi ko naman masagot ang mga tanong na iyon kaya binale-wala ko na lang ang nararamdaman ko sa iyo. Lilipas din yan, sabi ng isip ko. But actions spoke louder than words. I remember doing things with you and only for you. It was your birthday, and your other friends gave you expensive gifts that I cannot afford at that time. Sabi mo sa akin noon, kahit walang regalo, masaya ka na basta nandoon ako sa kaarawan mo. But a night before your birthday, I was not able to sleep. With a pen and a paper, I wrote you a poem. The next day, I gave it to you. You were confused what that piece of paper was for. Akala mo noong una para sa assignment natin. And I watched your face whilst reading whatever was written there. I had the satisfaction of seeing your face lit up. And when you looked at me, your eyes said it all. No need for a verbal thank you. From then on, I got so inspired in writing that I joined our school's publication. Maybe you are the reason why I discovered I have a talent in writing, and for that thank you.

As the years passed by, we've grown closer. You've known my secrets as I have known yours. We told each other's dreams and aspirations, what we want to be when we grow older and what we want to achieve. At that time, I thought we were invincible. Na walang makakasira sa ating pagkakaibigan. I thought we were tied by a special string that connects us, that if one of us push a little too hard, it will bring us back to one another. But I guess I was wrong. One day you told me that you think you found "The One". I smiled because you were so happy, but deep inside I was hurting. Hindi ko naman masabi, "I already found my one when I was in third year high school. We sat beside each other during a summer class". I can't imagine your reaction kapag sinabi ko iyon. I don't want you to feel betrayed or whatever negative emotion a person feels when they find a secret that was kept to them for a long time. I let you rant on and on and on about your one. Masaya naman ako para sa iyo, hindi lang ako masaya para sa sarili ko. We grew apart because you spent most of your times with "The One". Sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko noon, hayaan mo na, atleast, naranasan mo na makasama siya. Nag-uusap naman tayo noon, kapag may problema kayo, I was your advisor and you're shoulder to lean on. Totoo nga siguro yong sinasabi nang iba. Kapag ang kaibigan mo napasok sa isang relasyon, maaalala ka na lang nila kapag may problema sila. Hindi naman dahil sa nakalimutan ka na nila kundi dahil meron nang tao na nakapagbibigay sa kanila ng bagay na hindi mo naibibigay. We went our separate ways when we graduated college. I went abroad, and you stayed. I was able to have a relationship with several people over the years, but unfortunately, it didn't last long. I thought, it's because I am a busy person that I can't spend my spare time with them. And then one day, I received an email. You're getting married. And surprisingly, it's not with the one you told me back then. And I was struck with a realization. It was only ever you. You are the reason why I can't commit to anyone no matter how perfect they are. I want you and your imperfections. I want to hear your snores and not someone's steady breathing. I want to see your dorky dance steps and not someone's graceful moves. I want to hear your out-of-tunes singing and not someone's angelic voice. And most importantly, I want to see you happy with me and not with someone else. But I guess I can't make you happy and be with me at the same time, so I replied and answered "Yes, I'll attend to your wedding but don't expect me to bring a gift". You replied, "Of course! Your presence will be enough, like always". And I had a sudden urge to write something again, but I stopped myself before I could even get a pen. What for? It may just confuse you and I don't want that to happen.

Akala ko bago ako pumunta dito, hindi ko makakaya na makita ka na ikinakasal. Akala ko magbibigay na lang ako ng rason kung bakit hindi ako makakapunta. But here I am, sitting at the far corner of the church. Listening on how you will spend the rest of your days with your forever. And I can't help but ask myself, do I really love you. Why can't I feel any bitterness or anger towards your forever? Why do I feel happy and lonely at the same time? Masaya na naman ako para sayo, pero hindi para sa sarili ko. And I answered my question. This is my definition of love. To be happy because my one is happy. I love you that is why I am going to hand you to someone who loves you as well, without any resentment towards the person you'll spend your life with. It will be enough for me if you could spare some time and talk to me, but I will not ask for more. Lastly, I will mourn for my lost love but I will celebrate that you found someone who will take care of you and cherish you and hope that one day, I will find someone too. You hugged me tightly and I offered my best wishes to you. I hugged as tightly as I could and as we untangled ourselves from that embrace, I let go of that person I knew way back when the best computer game was Pinball. And I welcomed you as a new person, a friend that I know I can always count on...

....

I'm sitting in the airplane near the window as I read the comments of our friends in Facebook when suddenly I felt something hard bumped my elbow. I looked to my left and saw someone, in full concentration, reading my favorite book. I cleared my throat and said, "So I'm guessing you are on the part when Ron kissed Hermione?"...And you looked at me and I was hooked...

--Sfarsit--

P.S. Typed on 9/9/14 around 9:00 am and finished around 11:00 am on the same day. I don't know why but I felt an urge to write so this is the result. I haven't had breakfast or coffee yet. Just opened my netbook and started typing. Hope you liked it...Thanks for reading. If you could type your comment please do. You can also vote it by clicking the star...