Whenever I Close My Eyes (Madam Secretary)

Calming the Masses

Sinking into the chair, I laid my head back against the back of it and closed my eyes. I hoped at some point, some part of this would be salvaged. It just wouldn't be now.

"Secretary Mccord."

"Hmm...yes?" I felt slightly displeased with being awoken as I felt myself beyond exhausted at this point. It was the Iranian guard I was speaking to before, along with another man standing in front of me holding a satellite phone.

"You have five minutes to do what you need to do." The guard showed me how to use the phone and handed it over to me to dial home. Despite wanting to call Henry most of all, I knew where my priorities stood. I had to let the president know first that I was okay. They would in turn tell my team, who would then tell Henry and the kids.

I didn't always agree with the process of things, especially scary emotional times like this. I wanted nothing but to hear his voice; to hear the voices of our children. I knew if I did though, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from crying and I had a long flight to make it through before I was back home. To think they could have lost me was increasingly more terrifying than a few minutes ago.

"Russell Jackson." He answered on the second ring, his voice tensed with worry and it made me hesitate momentarily before responding to the sound of his voice.

"Russell, it's Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth." He sighed heavily as he said my name. "We've all been wondering about you over here."

"I'm fine, Russell. I had a few injuries but nothing I can't live with."

"Injuries. You know I'm going to need more than that to calm the masses." The masses being the president, my team, and my family. I would have laughed at him but I was far past humor at this point.

"Burn to my arm and cut on my back. Please tell my team and family I'm okay." I stated as I saw DS agent John Kendall walk into the room. Someone who knew who I was pointed him in my direction and my heart leapt with joy seeing he was okay too.

"I will pass the message along."

"Russell, I have to go." Handing the guard back the phone, I gave him a small nod of appreciation and walked across the room.

"Agent Kendall." I looked him over. He seemed to be in relatively good spirits. However, he was favoring one leg more than the other, and I knew he hadn't been unscathed from this disaster. "Let's get you some help." I scanned the room just as Abilene was doing the same. She narrowed in on me and I waved her over.

"It's good to see you're okay." He limped over to the chair President Shiraz had been sitting in earlier and leaned heavily against it.

"You too." I gestured by raising my gaze to his injured leg."Want to fill me in on the quick version of what happened?"

"After the bomb went off, I tried going after those who attacked the Javani's. I was forced to seek shelter in an abandoned home nearby after taking a bullet to the leg. By the time I got back to Javani's house, you, Marajel, and the boys were gone. The house was on fire and Fred and Javani dead."

"Yeah." My throat suddenly felt dry at the mention of those who had died tonight. I couldn't imagine how many more times I had to talk about this. Luckily we didn't have to much longer as Abilene broke away from conversing with President Shiraz and walked towards us.

"Secretary Mccord, how are you feeling?"

"I'm still hanging in there." I moved my body slowly towards John. "Abilene, this is John Kendall. He's one of my agents who accompanied me to Iran."

"It's nice to meet you, John." Extending her hand, he shook hers firmly back.

"John took a bullet to the leg. Do you have a minute to look at him?" I asked her politely, although I felt my patience wearing thin.

"Sure. I have a few minutes. If you'd follow me, I'll see what we can do here." John consented before using the chair again to hoist himself up and slowly behind her out of the room. If I couldn't save Fred, I would do what I could to save John. He was not going to be flying home for thirteen hours with a bullet stuck in his leg.

"Secretary Mccord. If you'll follow me, we have a flight back to D.C. waiting for you." President Shiraz mentioned out of the blue as he moved to stand in front of me.

"I just sent my agent in to be checked out. Can it wait until he's done?"

"I'm afraid not. We have limited flights back to the States at the moment. Getting you home is the best thing we can do after all you've done for us. We will try and get your agents back on the next flight home."

"Well, I feel like I could have done more." He surprised me by walking down the hall with me, even going as far as opening the door of a black SUV as I stepped into the car.

"We all do." President Shiraz nodded to two soldiers who got in the front seat. "You have warned us and we thank you for risking to come here. We will be in touch." With that, the door was closed and we took off. The soldiers accompanied me, sitting with me until my the plane was ready to take off. Thankfully I had packed my belongings before I had gone over, so it was a quick move to the hotel to grab my suitcase and check out before heading over.

As we sat there, I couldn't help but pray nothing else went wrong, like an electrical malfunction while 30,000 feet in the air as I gave my weary thanks and finally dragged myself onto the plane.

I managed to sleep a whole two hours during the flight. Every time I closed my eyes, I relived the whole event. Zahed's smile haunted me most of all. I had really thought everything was going to be okay after warning him and President Shiraz about the coup.

It was happening though. I was going home. I wanted to feel even more relieved that I was still standing, that I was going home to my family. Truth was, I wasn't. If anything, I should have been more injured alongside them. I was in the same room and I had gotten away with just a burn and cut.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is Captain Nelson speaking. We are thirty minutes away from landing at Dulles International Airport--"