When the Ex Returns

Chapter 12: Looking For Trouble

This is it! This is really is it! This is almost the climax of the story and I would love to hear comments so I can improve my future stories. 

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*** Looking for Trouble ***

Pustiso ka ba kasi I really really can’t smile without you kasi naman kasi mahal kita… bagay tayong dalawa… papicture nga, para mapadevelop kita. Hindi tayo tao, hindi rin tayo hayop… bagay tayo. Bagay talaga.

Kakapasok ko pa lang sa isa sa mga restaurant sa MTS, yun na agad ang kanta na bumungad sa akin. Though it’s not the version from Toni Gonzaga, the song still hits me like it did to me before. Baduy man pakinggan pero isa yun sa mga kanta namin ni Vic. We’re a happy-go-lucky couple back then. Masaya lang at parang walang plano for the future (though, we were already talking about marriage and kids before). Come what may kung baga. Those songs reminded me of him kasama ng kantang “Gusto Ko Lang sa Buhay” ng Itchyworms. Diba, kabaduyan talaga? But still, it makes me flinch.

“You remember that song?” Tila masayang sabi naman ni Vic na nasa likuran ko lang pala while I’m reminiscing the song.

“What song?” Palusot ko naman. Ayokong lumaki ang ulo niya no. Let’s just pretend na wala ng epekto sa akin ang kantang yan na noon ay nagpapaiyak sa akin (instead of smile) everytime it’s played on air especially those days na kaka-break lang namin.

“Wala. Never mind. Dito tayo.” Nakitaan ko siya ng pilit na smile at agonized look while he led the way towards a vacant table for two. I really don’t know if he is sincere about it or not. Hindi ko na talaga kasi mapapagkatiwalaan ang taong ito. I refuse to believe him na. He is the best ator I known in my life. Kahit si Coco Martin o John Lloyd Cruz walang panama sa kanya. Pero kahit ganun pa man, I hate that I lied to him. I still want him to know na I still remember that song and every memory that came with it.

He paid for the lunch. Well, I made it clear to him din naman. Wala akong pera ngayon no. Not that I didn’t bring any pero hindi talaga ako gagastos. Promise ko na yan kay Alfred.

“Vic, I can’t afford doing this again. So please, tell me what happened that night.” Bago pa man niya makalimutan that this meet-up (and the previous one) were supposedly to clear things up, inunahan ko na siya. Kahit pa nga hindi naman gaanong ideal ang lugar for a heart-to-heart confrontation.

“Nothing happened, Ana. You were just too drunk. Hinatid kita sa kwarto mo with a bellboy. Hindi pa nga umalis yung bellboy hanggang hindi rin akoa nakaalis. So I don’t know why you’re freaking out.”

“But why am I naked when I woke up, Vic? Huwag mo naman akong gawing tanga.” Well, binulong ko lang yung part about the “naked” thingy. Nakakahiya naman kasi sa mga katabi naming table.

“Taking your pants off is not being naked, Ana," Kinorrect niya ako. Well, for me, going to sleep without pants is being naked kasi I remember that I was with a guy I shouldn't be with. Though, I really do feel comfortable sleeping with just a shirt and my undies on.

"Well, that’s the funny part," pagpapatuloy pa rin niya. "Once we reach your room at hiniga ka na namin, you started undressing yourself. Kaya nga nagmadali na kaming umalis ng bellboy noon.” Natatawa niyang sambit.

“Why would I do that?” Diba? Tama naman ang tanong ko. Bakit naman ako maghuhubad basta-basta. It’s not that I don’t get to sleep with my clothes on, it’s just that I only do that when I feel hot or feverish. Pero that night? Parang…

“I don’t know, Ana,” sabi niya sabay taas ng dalawang kamay na tila sumusuko sa mga awtoridad sabay ang isang nakakalokong ngiti. “I honestly don’t know. If you want to be sure pwede ka namang bumalik doon sa hotel and look for a bellboy named Francis. He can support my statement.”

“Hindi naman ako imbestigador, Vic. I just want to know what happened. Para kung mabuntis mo man ako, I know how to talk it through with Alfred.”

“You are just so funny, Ana. Hindi ka pa rin talaga nagbabago. Pinapapangunahan mo pa rin talaga ang mga bagay-bagay.” Tawang-tawang sabi niya. Damn! Ang lakas ng tawa niya ha. Nakakahiya sa mga nagsilingunang customer ng restaurant.

“Stop it, Vic. It’s not funny.”

“Ok, fine. Sorry. But just out of curiosity, kung talaga ngang may nangyari sa atin at nabuntis ka, what will you do?”

“Lalasingin ko si Alfred and we will have a passionate sex. After three weeks, I’ll tell him na parang buntis ako. He won’t bail out on me.”

“So, you really won’t consider na papanugutin ako even if you know very well na ako ang ama ng bata?”

“No! Ni minsan, hindi yan sumagi sa isip ko,” sabay ang isang matinding lingon ng ulo. Kung pwede lang matanggal ang ulo ko, matatanggal na siguro ito sa kakalingon ko. Totoo naman kasi talaga. Never sumagi sa isip ko ang sinabi niya. “It’s not like you will admit it, Vic. I know you very well. Ayaw mo ng responsibilidad. Especially not with me.”

“What if I actually do?” He’s on with that agonized look again as if naman maapektuhan pa ko. After all these times? “Ganyan na ba talaga ako kasama para sayo?”

“Yes. Sa walang pag-aalinlangan Vic, yes.”

Sumandal siya sa kinauupuan niya na para bang pinagsakluban siya ng langit at lupa. What can I do? Yun naman talaga ang iniisip ko. “Oo, umabot nga tayo ng dalawang taon Vic but I never felt important to you. Parang part lang naman ako ng collection mo diba? And, this isn’t just all about the break-up, Gail, and the end of the relationship. It was the relationship itself. Kahit pa sinabi mo na it’s me you want to be with for forever, it didn’t feel right and true. Nothing was true.”

“Noon yun, Ana. Pwede rin naman akong magbago.”

Napailing na lang ako. This guy is impossible! Ano bang pinapalabas niya that I am misjudging him. Well, hindi niya ako pwede i-blame. Ang nakilala kong Vic ay hindi marunong tumayo sa sariling paa, iresponsable, at happy-go-lucky. Tanga na ako kung hindi ako matututo from my experience.

“Gaya ng sabi ko sayo, nagsisisi ako kung bakit pinakawalan pa kita. Kung bakit naghanap pa ako ng iba when you were already everything that I need.”

“Hindi mo na ako madadala sa ganyang usapan, Vic. Hindi na.”

Really? I can’t look into his eyes while saying that ha. Hindi ko alam. There must be a little lie to that statement. Ang totoo kasi nito, I feel like I am half-hoping na totoo nga talaga lahat ng sinasabi niya sa akin. God knows how much I asked for a proper closure between us. Pero ito… itong nangyayari ngayon, hindi naman kasi ito closure.This is like… ah ewan!

“I may had many girlfriends before and after you Ana but, seriously, no one really compares to you. If it’s not too much to ask, I want to ask for another chance. This time I’ll be the man that you would ask me to be. Just another chance.”

“Too late, Vic. Very late.” I stood up and turn my back on him.

But just before I actually get one step away from our table, he grabbed my arm. Ayoko gumawa ng eksena sa lugar na ito. Nakakahiya yun but this very gesture of us is already grabbing other customers’ attention. Ang magagawa ko nalang ay maging discreet at harapin siya.

“I know. I’m sorry. Sorry kung naging mapangahas ako. But please, before you marry Alfred. Give it a thought.”

Hindi na ako sumagot pa. Why should I give it a thought? Para saan pa? Para pakawalan ko ang taong tunay na nagmahal sa akin despite everything that I have been through? Alfred was with me through my ups and downs. Namatay ang mama ko, andiyan siya at inalalayan ako. When my income was just enough for my sister’s financial needs, siya ang bumuhay sa akin. Para saan pa na pag-isipan ko ang lahat ng sinabi ni Vic kung wala namang rason para iwan ko si Alfred at ipagpalit sa kanya, sa kanya na puro lang pasakit ang naranasan ko?