The Sorrow that Happens

3 SHADES OF RED

***Disclaimer, this chapter has an intimate scene.****

Have you ever eaten a No Bake Cookie? 

CLARA POV

No... no......no, this can't be happening! I look through my bathroom cabinets again. I've already searched my bathroom and bedroom twice, but I'm hoping the third time's the charm. Crap, I stand up and take a frustrating sigh. I know what I need to do, but that thought... of asking anyone to buy me pads... is horrifying. Knowing that the toilet paper, that is lining my panties, is not going to last long I rapidly run down the stair hoping and praying Aunt Nonie is in the kitchen. As I push open the doors my hopes are dashed. I spin around trying to make sure I'm not mistaken, that she is not in the pantry or hunched down on the other side of the island somewhere. I don't see her.

'Oh, come on! Of all the times not to be here, why now?' I slam down into a deep squat laying my forehead on top of my knees. I know I'm on the verge of tears and I'm being irrational, but I miss my mom so much right now. I'm in pain; my heart is literally aching. At the same time, I'm extremely angry at her for not being here. She is the one that always handled everything. She knew what to do in every situation. All I want right now is to see her smile again; that smile always had all the answers. It always gave me the strength to conquer the world.

I know I need to stop crying, that's what I try telling myself, but this world is too much from me right now. Time heals everything is an idiotic lie, life must go on is the absolute truth, but I don't want to go on without my parents!

SHAWN POV

It is so bitterly cold outside that I can't feel my face! I absolutely detest winter! There is nothing more daunting than the feeling you have when you get up in the morning and know it's bitterly cold outside and you still must go out into it to make a living. I can't believe I forgot my gloves. Of all the things to forget this morning.

When I come through the backdoor into the kitchen, my face and hands initially sting, to the point that it takes my breath away for a second. As I walk into the kitchen, I freeze at what I see in front of me. Clara is squatting into a ball, taking harsh breaths and sobbing silently into her tucked legs. Instantly my heart breaks. Without thinking twice, I rush towards her. Squatting so I am at the same level as she is, I gently grab her by her shoulders pulling her towards me. I can feel her tense up when I pull her into my chest, but I do not let her go. 'What the hell is happening!' "Clara sweetie, it's okay, everything is okay." pushing her back a little so I could look into her eyes I say, "Take a deep breath sweetie." I show her what I want from her and repeat it saying, "Take a deep breath, everything is going to be okay, I promise." I can tell she is starting to calm down, so I pull her towards me again, this time she does not flinch and lets me comfort her.

When she's somewhat calmed down, I stand up, feeling her gaze on me when I go in search of food. From personal experience, I know she will need a snack. Shrugging, because I know women aren't logical, I grab a banana and a handful of no bake cookies.

I sit down in front of her and hold up both for her to pick from. She stares past me for a second, blinks several times, then focuses on the items in my hands. She hesitates for just a second before she takes the cookies out of my hands eating one. I can't help but smile at her sweet innocence.

I sit patiently waiting for her to talk to me, but then it hits me, she can't talk to me. 

I try to casually bring something up to talk about. I know I don't want to bombard her and cause her to become overwhelmed again, so I slowly I talk to her about mundane thing about my morning chores. I'm hoping that talking to her will help her move away from the feeling of panic. She looks down and I think I lost her again, but when she looks back up, she is the color of a tomato. "what's going on sweetheart? You don't need to tell me everything, but I can't leave you until I know you will be okay." She sits back on her butt, I'm assuming to give more space between us, and starts signing to me. I internally panic. I've only had a couple of lessons I can't communicate with her! I can tell she is registering the confusion and panic on my face because she repeats what she signs again and signs more slowly.