Glitter and Happiness { Completed}

Chapter 11.Pancakes

( This Book is almost done only four  chapters left )

Warning: throwing up food , cutting , self hate  , and someone form the dear Evan Hansen novel if you know who I mean 

Evan's point of view 

I sit with Connor , Sabrina , and heather at the kitchen table we don't know what we want to eat . " why not we all make pancakes " Connor suggested Sabrina sits up " doesn't sound bad I love pancakes!" She beams 

We all start making the pancakes I then notice Connor and Sabrina start touching each other like Connor is holding her wrist and Sabrina is playing with his bracelet I start getting a bit upset .

Like doesn't Sabrina have a girlfriend and Connor had me wait what if he didn't ever love me ?what if he thinks  I'll hurt him ? What if- I'm cut off my heather  " don't worry Sabrina loves her girlfriend a lot and connor loves you they would never be together and plus Sabrina isn't bisexual or pansexual she is totally gay she only loves girls " I sigh of relief 

I got to say these past weeks with are two new friends have been great but I feel like now we're nto hanging out with the others a lot anymore .

When the pancakes are done we all destroy them Connor puts like candy and syrup on his and everyone gets confused " you eat candy and syrup with your pancakes " he nods .

I roll my eyes I'm not surprised  I then see my mom come inside " hey honey hey Connor oh hi who are these young ladies " she asked her voice is very chirpy which is kinda annoying.

" oh I'm Sabrina and this is heather " Sabrina  says playing with  the pins on her jacket . Heather shakes my moms hand " pleasure to meet you " heather then sits back down .

" well it's nice to meet you girls too bye " we all wave goodbye . 

My mom goes upstairs and we all continue eating " so there is goign to be a group project soon wanna all be a group ?" Heather asked .

" sure almost everyone in school hates me or thinks I'm a freak so yeah ok " Connor says in a happy tone .

We all go slient " I need to use the bathroom " Connor runs upstairs we all shrug .

Connor's point of view 

What did I just say !?!? I lock the bathroom door I feel my body fail I go to the toilet maybe if I'm thin peole will like me I make myself throw up my food I had and I cry .

I jsut hate  myself so Much ! I get out a ravor and cut my leg . I put small cuts and I be aware not to let blood go on he ground .

I remember when I didn't have so much doubt when I was with mi-

Never mind if I told evan about Miguel he would think I still like him . Miguel was my friend in boarding school since in my second year of high school my parents thought maybe going to a all boys school would help me they sent me . 

Miguel was one of the only people who liked me for me and nicknamed me pastel . We spent a lot of time together then and suddenly are friendship turned into a relationship.

Me and him became lovers and when we got out of boarding school we texted and would meet up at places . And only one time got really intimate we never had sex since Miguel didn't want to go that far and so did I at that time .

And if your asking why aren't we together well I'll give you a flashback 

—————————————flash back starts ———————

" Miguel i can't it's not ok " I say softly he smiles " just his once " I smile .

" fine I'll have some weed but if I get cancer or die don't blame me " he laughs I igroen the texts I get form my parents they don't know me and Miguel are friends .

As me sm Miguel are smoking I see a figure " hid your weed " I nod " what are you two doing in this area " I panic " Just enjoying are selfs ".

The woman looks at are hands and see the weed " I'm gonnna have to tell the police or your parents what you have " I go blank .

"What please no I can't go to the police or my parents " the woman looks at my face " fine  but get rid of those " I sigh we get rid of it .

As me and Miguel go in his empty house he shuts the door making a loud sound " what we're we thinking!?!?" I yell " we could have got in trouble!" Miguel tries to calm me down .

" Connor it's over now stop it's ok " I start breathing weirdly " no of my parents found out I had weed or about ya they would probably not support us and put me in rehab if they found out I had weed " Miguel sighs angerly 

" stop look not everything is all glitter and happiness  now calm your shit " I go slient " I'm sorry I -" he loses control of himself  I can tell in his eyes I feel him push me up a wall then punch my nose.

I go dead slient I see his eyes go in full guilt " Sprinkles I'm sorry " his hands go in my hair and his lips go on mine .

I push away and reach for the door I then feel a soft hold on my waist " please stay ~" his voice goes soft .

" I'm sorry we're over I can tell we're probaby going to be unhealthy for each other and we can't depend on each other that's not how a relationship works you we can't jsut always hold control of each other " I go out the door ....

Maybe this is for the best I delete the pictures of us on my phone .....

——————-end of flashback———————-

And that's how me and Miguel ended I feel my stomach full of wishes of the past to go away I then hear a knock . 

" Connie " I pull my sleeve down and open the door  I see Evan " are coming back down " I smile " yes " we head down stairs to go back and eat .

( hope you all enjoyed this long chapter)