It's All My Fault

We've All Been in Love

Later that day Ryan and I had taken more time out to find out about each other, and each other's interests. He's a pretty nice guy, and quite interesting. I just wanted to explore every single thought in his mind. It's amazing how I knew this person for just a week and a few days and I fully put my trust in him, in reality it's crazy. I even thought about if he would hurt me again, or even worst. But, he said he loves me and he wants us to be something real, so maybe it is something real. It's something no one could possibly get between. It's forever. But then reality hits, I'm only here for three weeks. A week has already past, and it's only two more weeks until my happiness fades, my heaven on earth is gone and I'm alone again.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked, probably acknowledging the rapid change of my facial expression.

"I was just thinking... Ryan I only have two more weeks left with you" I said.

There was silence. It felt like I could almost sense that he hadn't thought about my short trip, and that I'm not here forever.

"I don't know what to say" He finally said, as he got up to sit next to me.

"Me either" I said.

"This sounds sort of weird but, what if we go to the same school?" He paused, and then continued "Maybe you can stay here, you know since..."

Since I'm alone and I have no parents? I know what he meant although he didn't want to say it. It was actually a great idea for me to stay, but I had no money. I didn't want to let him know that, because I didn't want break his enthusiasm.

"I can't stay here Ryan..." I said, moving away from him.

"Why not?" He asked. I wasn't looking at him but I could tell that he had concerned look on his face.

"Because..." I started. "Never mind, I feel uncomfortable right now" I said, getting up to go to the bedroom while locking the door behind me.

I sat on the edge of the bed trying to fuse my emotions together, it's confusing whether I want to leave Ryan and go back to my friends in Rhode Island, or stay here with him and be loved. But, what is love exactly? I have this strong and intense feeling for him but I'm not sure if I'm ready to fully give myself to him. I trust him but still I don't just because of Lola. He broke me, and I don't think anyone should even go through that. So what if I'm not going to allow myself to give all of my emotions to him? There's other guys back home, others that like me just as much and would never hurt me, or would they? Maybe I deserve to be hurt. Maybe love just isn't for me.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door. I opened it and walked towards the bed throwing my body down on it.

"Jodie, what's wrong?" Ryan asked. He didn't come near me; he just stood in the corner keeping his distance.

"Ryan I don't know how I exactly feel about you, for fucks sake we knew each other for a week and I'm supposed to trust you and love you and all of this bullshit, I mean I did but after that Lola situation, you broke my trust. I tried to regain it but something didn't feel right, although I said so, I just don't know Ryan... I don't know what my feelings towards you are exactly" I said, not facing him while staring out the window realizing how pretty it was outside.

"Jodie, I love you" He said, I felt him moving towards me.

"Stop, I can't take this, I love you too, and well I think so, Ryan... I-I never had a boyfriend and I'm scared that you're going to hurt me" I said.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise-"He said, before being cut off from his phone ringing.

"Give me a second" He stepped out of the room. I thought about following him, but I need to give him his space.

I sat there for 15 minutes, looking out of the window when he walked back in.

"Who was it?" I asked, not sure if I really had should of.

There was silence.

"Uh... just an old friend" He replied.

"Okay... why are you so tense?" I asked.

He didn't answer.

"Ryan?" I walked towards him, he had his phone held out in his hands and allowed me to take it from him.

There it was. Lola. He was talking to Lola. The girl he said he'd never talk to again.

"What the fuck?" I asked angrily, almost choking on my words.

"Jodie, I can expla-" He said.

I tried to run out of the bedroom but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"LET GO OF ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU" I screamed out while tears were rolling down my cheek.

He leaned in trying to kiss me but I pushed him off and slapped him.

"Jodie! Stop can you let me explain myself please?!" He begged.

"What explaining is there to do? You're going to explain why you're repeatedly hurting me?"

He stopped. This time he pinned he onto the bed, I tried to pry him off of me but he was way too strong.

"STOP!" I shouted.

"I'm not going to until you believe I only want you Jodie!" He said, while pulling my legs around his back and unzipping his pants slyly while he was kissing my neck. I was unaware of how I was going to let this happen. He kept sucking my neck, laying small hickeys while he made his way down. He took off my top and bra and stared at me.

"Jodie.. I don't want anyone but you. The way you make me feel is so amazing" He said.

He kissed my stomach while licking his way down.

"No one else?" I asked.

"Only you, Jodie Harris" He paused, while taking off my panties. Then he continued, "only you"