It's All My Fault

Nirvana

When Regina and I finally got to Zoe's house, there was a rush of nostalgic feelings within me. I rolled down my window, looking at the porcelain white bird fountain in near Zoe's driveway where we spent most of our time making sure we got the perfect background and lighting for our instagram photos. Then, I looked at the pretty little garden where we planted roses and sunflowers, our favorite flowers. All of the memories just hit me at once before I could've made my way out of the car. I was sad and happy at the same time knowing that I was home again. Well not really back home considering that I can't live in my actual house.

The voice of my bestfriend immediately interrupted my train of thought.

"Jodieee!!!" screamed Zoe, a tall chocolate skinned girl.

As I made my way out of the car, struggling to pick up the bags in my seat, Zoe ran over for a hug. I laughed with joy because I was way shorter than her which led to her lifting me up to be at her level. As she lifted me we both stumbled, almost falling because of the weight of my bags. I caught a slight glimpse at Regina who was smiling from ear to ear at the sight of me being happy.

"Zoe! I missed you so much" I chirped as I pulled away from our hug.

"I missed you too girl! Who's this?" She asked, looking at Regina who was still standing by her car.

"Oh, this is my therapist Regina, well she was my therapist back when I was in New York" I replied.

They quickly greeted each other, having a short conversation which mainly consisted of the exchange of compliments. I wasn't this happy in such a long time. I always thought that I was at my happiest state while I was dating Ryan but I never felt such an intense burst of joy.

"Okay girls, well I better make my way back home, we'll keep in touch Jodie" Regina said after she came in for a hug, getting ready to hop back into her Range Rover. Zoe and I said our final goodbyes and watched her drive away.

Zoe helped me with my bags as I made myself into her house.

"My parents are so excited to see you! It felt like we weren't together for ages even though you were gone for some weeks" Zoe softly said, trying to break the silence.

"I'm excited to see them too." I really missed her parents, they always felt like my own family because of how much care and love I received from them. Thinking about that led me to ask Zoe about something that I was thinking about during the ride. "Did you tell them why I have to live here now?"

Zoe looked down at the welcome mat of her house before I opened the door.

"Well.. I didn't go into the details, I just told them that you're parents aren't able to take care of you anymore" She said nervously.

"Zoe, you made it seem suspicious as hell. Why didn't you just tell them the truth?" My voice switched to a more mellow tone.

She took a deep inhale before telling me why she didn't tell her parents the real reason.

"I don't know Jo.. thinking about the things you went through with your parents always led me to tears and I just wasn't comfortable expressing my emotions to them."

Lame excuse. But I don't feel like arguing with her on my first day after being away for 3 weeks with minimal contact.

"Okay, I understand" I replied in the lowest voice ever. I wasn't even sure if she heard me.

As I opened door I was quickly smothered by licks from Zoe's Pomeranian. Her name was Harley and I always came over to Zoe's house just so I could play with her. I guess Harley's excitement led Mr. and Mrs.Ashton (Zoe's parents) to come out to see what was going on.

"Jodie! We're so excited to have you here" Mrs. Ashton said in a melodious tone as she kissed me on my cheek. Mr.Ashton hugged me directly after his wife greeted me.

"Thank you so much Mr. and Mrs.Ashton, I'm not sure what would've happened to me if you guys didn't allow me to stay here" I replied in a sorrowful tone. Anger and sadness filled inside me as I remembered my mother's death.

Mr. and Mrs.Ashton exchanged a concerning look with each other. It seemed as if they caught on that there was something deeper than what Zoe explained to them by the tone of my voice.

"Zoe, why don't you take Jodie's stuff upstairs so we can fix something for her to eat?" Mr.Ashton asked Zoe, still maintaining eye contact with me.

Zoe nodded and headed upstairs to her bedroom with my bags. I kind of felt bad for her because I knew how heavy my stuff was. I was the queen of over-packing.

I sat at the dining table, staring at the ceiling as Mrs.Ashton walked over to the opposite side of the table. She sat down, with Mr.Ashton standing behind the chair.

"Zoe, is everything okay with your parents?" Mrs.Ashton broke the awkward silence with this bold question. Although it might seem to a simple question to any other person, it was a touchy subject matter considering the traumatic experience I had to face back in New York.

I tuck my hair behind my ears, keeping my eyes focused on my hands which were clasped in my lap and swallowed the lump in my throat.I tried to focus on the positive side of this situation, the fact that I'm safe and okay now, rather than allowing the negative effects of the past disable me from talking about what had happened.

"You guys knew my parents very well, they always came to your parties and spent hours discussing matters with you, but there's something you didn't know about them..." I pause and I feel tears begin to form in my eyes.

Zoe's parents just remained silent, allowing me to get my words together.

"They had an abusive relationship. My father always beat up my mother and I. When she wasn't the one getting punished, I had to take on the abuse. They took me to New York to see a therapist to help me cope with my problems and while we were there they had another episode. My father beat my mother to death in our hotel room and he beat me up when I tried to confront him about it.. I hit him back with a fire extinguisher as a self defense which sent him to the hospital..."

"I'm so sorry Jodie.." Mrs.Ashton softly said as she walked over to me and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Is your father still in the hospital?" Mr.Ashton asked.

Good question.

"I'm actually not sure. I was living with a friend for a few weeks. When I visited my dad at the hospital he freaked out on me and I decided not to check up on him after this since he wasn't even interested in my existence" I replied.

Mr.Ashton walked over to his wife, also placing his hand on my shoulder. They made me feel wanted again, a feeling that was foreign to me for my whole life. Maybe Ryan filled that void for a short period of time but his lies made me question if he genuinely wanted me from the start.

"We love you Jodie, we'll always be here for you. We always appreciated you because of you being such a good friend to our daughter and I think this moment will give us the opportunity to be a good family to you" Mrs.Ashton said.

I got up from the chair, hugging both Mr. and Mrs.Ashton. I looked over their shoulder to see Zoe walking towards us with a sorry look on her face. She quickly huddled in to join the group hug and all four of us quietly stood together in the middle of the dining room enjoying this beautiful moment. I don't know how much the others appreciated this moment, but it was incredibly special to me. This felt like the definition of bliss or nirvana. Everything felt calm and peaceful; I was surrounded love and happy energy. I'm almost excited to start over my life again.

If you liked this chapter please vote and leave a comment, thank you :) !!