It's All My Fault

What You Need

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see Ryan again, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to regain my happiness. It’s weird, I accepted the fact that I’m not supposed to be happy, I don’t crave happiness but I want to feel what it is again for once. Maybe Ryan cares about me after all, and he’s not such an asshole or maybe I’m just not worth caring about. But my anger and hate has grown to a level that I can no longer take. I don’t “love” him anymore, but I’m allowing myself to give him a chance.

                Before I could gather my things to head out to the park, a voice behind me started.

“Hey, heading off somewhere?” Regina asked.

“Yes, I’m going to the park to meet Ryan” I said.

“Oh, here’s money for the ca-“

“I’m walking, it’s not a far distance and I want to explore the city more”

“Oh, well, have fun!” She said, in her familiar broad smile.

I nodded, and headed towards the door, and I left.

I quickly took out my phone to take pictures, just to keep the moments memorable. Outside was extremely hot, I wasn’t expecting it to be, but good thing I didn’t wore the jeans I had planned to. I was wearing a spaghetti white frilled crop top, a polka dot shorts, and my black toms. I absolutely hate that I’m only here for three weeks, simply because I love New York. They’re so many other places that I haven’t even visited yet, hopefully Regina would show me around.

                As I was walking I realized that I was approximately five minutes away from the park, since I had just passed the café Ryan and I went, I got butterflies thinking about him. Awks. I continued walking, admiring how beautiful the sky had looked, I stopped to take a picture when someone wrapped their hands around my waist. I turned around, it was him.. Ryan. I yanked him off of me, not respecting that he thought he could automatically get me back just in the snap of a finger.

“What the hell are you doing?” I muttered.

“Greeting my favorite person, what else could I be doing?” He asked, looking me directly in my eyes with his hazel ones, I looked away.

“My name isn’t Lola” I said.

“Jodie, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, I realized that if a complete stranger can make me think about maybe having a future with them, why should I settle for a girl like Lola that cheated on me more than I can count? Jodie, I love you, I hope you can accept my apology for not explaining myself earlier, I just didn’t know how to bring this up to you… it’s sort of weird” He replied, slowly reaching for my hand.

“And I want us to be something real; I didn’t want to ask you out so soon because I knew Lola would’ve come back, she thought I was her toy, that she could date who ever she wants and expects me to wait for her when she’s finished screwing them or whatever. Jodie Harris, will you be my girlfriend?”

I froze, the boy who I was falling over, that I thought didn’t even love me is asking me out.

“Yes…” I said, pulling him in closer to kiss him.

I missed those soft pink lips which fit perfectly with mine, for some reason this kiss felt even better than our first one. This kiss was more passionate, like it if Ryan and I were compatible for each other. I felt like Ryan was able to allow my flaws, allow my stubbornness and allow my love for him. He understood me. This definitely wasn’t a mistake.

“Now let’s get out of here”

 He motioned for me to get on his back, I quickly hopped on smiling, not believing what just happened. I love this boy.

                By the time we reached to Ryan’s place I had told Regina I wasn’t coming home tonight, since I was planning to sleepover. I missed the coziness of Ryan’s small condo, and it always smelt like vanilla for some strange reason.

“So… tell me more about Lola” I started, not sure about what I just said.

“Well… she’s a complete bitch, but I always found myself running back to her, you know. One of those types of relationships where you follow your heart and get hurt stupidly” He said, looking a little sad.

I walked towards him and lowered his chin, since he was taller than me.

“Hey look at me, I promise I’ll be good to you, if you will promise you’ll be good to me” I said.

“I promise I’ll be good to you Jodie, I love you, I’m sorry I hurt you” He replied.

I smiled, and gently kissed his chin.