It's All My Fault

Final Decision

It was her. This was the girl that Ryan "loved" more than me, his first love. Why would Ryan even pick me over her? She was perfect. Tanned skin, long blonde hair, fairly tall, skinny and had a nice rack, the literal definition of model status. What hurt me the most is that when she realized who I was, her voice went faint. Not the "choked up" type of faint, the type of faint that she's glad that I know who she is. She's definitely glad And that we met. Although the words "I'm glad we met" didn't came out of her mouth, the words "I'm here to make your life a living hell now bitch" were translated by her tone.

         I walked away, feeling her blue eyes glued onto me the whole time I made my way to Regina's house. It was dark, but outside was illuminated by the street lights, enough for me to clearly see where I was going. I was walking slowly, feeling as if my lively spirit was just ripped out of me. I no longer had hope in anything, and I had no one to go to. I'm stuck on whether I really want to stay here or go back to Rhode Island. And, the way how things are falling into place, Rhode Island is the best place for me at the moment. It's my comfort zone, my friends and school are back there and that's all I really need for me to manage and go forward with my life.

       I knocked on Regina's door and heard her footsteps hitting against the tiles.

"Heyyy, you're finally back! Did you have fun?" She said as she let me come in.

"Yeah" I said sarcastically.

"What's wrong?" She asked. She obviously could of read by my voice and actions that I wasn't in a happy place. It was her occupation to read and understand people for heaven's sakes.

I threw myself in the couch.

"I just unexpectedly met Ryan's ex , the one that sent him the texts saying she can't believe he chose a stranger over her. The one that he met in the café. Honestly. I'm so sick and tired of this being an issue in our relationship and I really think I should leave them alone Reg. I don't have anyone now, only you and I know you're an extremely busy person so I'm not going to force myself to crash at your place. This is one and the only favor I want from you at this moment, and I need it now, because I need to get out of here" I said.

My face was straight, but there was a burning sensation in my chest. As if I wanted to cry, but I fought against it.

"I understand, anything you need, I'd give you" Reg said.

"Great, I need a ride to Rhode Island" I said.

The drive was 3 hours, and I knew Regina is usually busy in the day.

"Do you want to leave now? Because I don't have anytime to drive you there tomorrow, unless we leave tomorrow night and I know you really want to leave" She said.

"Yes, we can leave now. I can't stand being here anymore" I said.

Ryan was in my mind, but I didn't studied it that much. I honestly didn't care anymore.

"What about your stuff?' Regina asked.

"They're at Ryan's place, of course I'm not going over there" I told her.

        I had my phone, purse and a spare key for my house, that's all I really needed. I had other clothes back home. Regina grabbed her keys and some money and we left, hopping into her Range Rover. I couldn't believe that I was actually sitting in my dream car. I turned up the radio, my favorite song was playing: Fun by Chris Brown ft Pitbull. I pulled out my phone to message Zoe, telling her that I'm coming back to Rhode Island and I'll explain when I get to her house. As I checked my notifications I saw 5 missed calls from Ryan. I turned off my phone and went to sleep.

Hours later, I was awoken by a slight tapping on my leg.

"We're here, but I'm making a stop by this gas station to get something to eat, you coming?" She asked.

"Yes" I said, in my sleepy voice.

I made my way out of the car, recognizing the gas station. It was pretty close to my school, my friends and I use to go there after school to get snacks that the vending machine didn't have. When I got inside I picked up some skittles, a donut, a soda and a slice of pizza and made my way to the cashier. Regina was still searching around the aisles, since she wasn't familiar of the place. I paid for my stuff and gave her the heads up to meet me in the car. As I made my way out a familiar voice called my name.

"Jodie!" The male shouted.

I turned around, to see Travis. A boy I broke up with 2 years ago. To be honest I regret breaking up with him, he really grew into his looks. He was tall, looked about 6'2 now, with blonde hair that was shaved down at the sides and high in the middle. Perfectly tanned, wearing his favorite shoes, vans, with a black shirt, black sweatpants with a red flannel around his waist.

"Hey Trav!" I said.

"I haven't seen you around in a while, where were you girl?" He asked, going in for a hug.

I hugged him, my head going right into his chest. He smelled so yummy.

"I was actually on a vacation for about 3 weeks in New York, I actually am now making my way home" I said.

"Oh, that's cool" He said.

There was an awkward silence.

"Hey um, I lost your number, can I have it again?" Trav asked.

"Sure, no problem" I said as we exchanged numbers.

"Great, I'll talk to you later!" He said, as he was leaving, leaning in for another hug.

But, this hug was different. I felt his head coming down more, he kissed me on my forehead and got into his car. I smiled as I watched him drive away, and I saw Regina standing behind me.

"I thought you were in the car, were you waiting her the whole time?" She asked.

"Uhh.. K-" I stuttered.

"Haha, I'm joking, I saw everything" She winked.

We got back into the car, heading over to Zoe's place. I suddenly felt happy again and stress free, Rhode Island was definitely my happy place. Nowhere else could make me feel this way right now. After all, I needed to exhale the toxic oxygen which captivated my lungs while I was in New York; in fact, I never realized how toxic it was until this moment, both literally and figuratively. Of course I acknowledged the fact that I was living without my parents for a few weeks after a tragic experience, but I wasn't acknowledging the fact that I allowed myself to slip away into another experience that was set out to be nothing more than tragic.
I loved Ryan with all of my heart, he made me feel alive, we did things that I had never done before, but we all know that anything that is living is meant to die. Our love (or what I thought was a mutual feeling) died right at my fingertips as I came into contact with that blonde bitch Lola, I'm not even sure if what Ryan and I had was real. But what I knew for a fact was that Rhode Island was real, and I was ready to relive my life here.