The Bachelorette

Week 1. Cocktail party

It was that time of the night. I would see the guys again and spend more time getting to know them.

I was making my way to the van, when I stumbled into someone. Can you guess who it was?

Kris. Again.

He stood up and I rolled my eyes.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I continued walking.

"I wanted to talk to you again. -he reached for my wrist and asked me to stop. "I think that we didn't get to finish our conversation from yesterday."

"Oh my God. You can't take the hint, can you?"

"I just don't get it. You told me you loved me and I want to be with you."

"Thats the point. The key word in that sentence is loved as in not any more."

"But why? I just don't get it."

"Look Kris, let me ask you something. Why do you insist that you love me and that you want to be with me?"

"Because I do. I do love you. I can't imagine not being with you and when Kennedy and I broke up, I knew it was because I couldn't stop thinking about you." he held my hands.

I took my hands out of his and ran one over my forehead.

"Do you want to know what I think?" He nodded. "I think that you don't want to be alone. If you loved me, why didn't you pick me? Why now? You are telling me that you couldn't stop thinking about me, and if that was the case, why didn't you propose? I would've said yes. And now that I've moved on and now that you are no longer with Kennedy, I think you are afraid of being single." 

He shook his head repeated times. "It's not like that."

"It is exactly like that. You keep saying that you are in love with me and the only answer you have given me is that you cannot stop thinking about me. That's not a good enough answer. I loved you because you made me feel like a princess, I loved you because you were a gentlemen and you are, I loved you because your laugh was so intoxicating, I loved you because you cared for me, I loved you because our connection was strong, I loved you because you confided in me, I loved you because you were my safe place when I needed one. Those are the reasons why I loved you and your only reason is because you can't stop thinking about me. Do you see the difference? You don't love me and I know you know that I don't love you anymore, you are just afraid to admit that, because admitting that, would make you really single. Would you want to be in a relationship that could only last for maybe a couple of months? Would you like to be with someone who didn't love you? Because I wouldn't like to be in a relationship like that. I know I deserve better and you do as well."

He looked like if he was in deep thoughts. He then looked into my eyes. "I think you are right."

"You are a great guy, don't ever doubt that, and I know that there is a great girl out there waiting for someone like you, but I'm not that girl. You deserve someone who wouldn't doubt the relationship, who would be focused on you and only you and I deserve the same. And it wouldn't be fair for all the men here if I just told you that I loved you, because they are trying to find love and they paused their lives to be here for me."

"You are right. I should stop. I'll go." He hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Good luck Alanna, you deserve the best."

"Goodbye Kris."

He then walked away. I sighed and I felt some tears welled up in my eyes. I turned to the cameras.

"I need a moment."

I took off my microphone and went for a quick walk so I could clear my head.

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I arrived and saw the boys already sitting and waiting for me. I smiled.

"Heys guys." They all stood up and greeted me. I took a seat between Kyle and Cameron, he handed me my glass of wine. "Thank you. So I want to make a toast. For an incredible date and for us to ending the day on a high note."

"CHEEEEEERS!"

As I sipped my wine, both Isaac and Cameron stood up, but Isaac was faster and asked me to go and talk.

We sat down in one of the couches in like a small lounge area.

"So I have a question for you." Isaac said.

"Great, shoot."

"How do you feel about dating a man of color?" He looked directly into my eyes, almost intimidating me.

"Well, that's a heavy question, but I welcome it. Umm, I mean, I don't mind. I mean, I'm not dating you for your color, I'm dating you because of who you are, for your personality and you are an awesome person. If I fall in love with you, it won't be because of your color, it will be because of the things you do and how you make me feel."

"That's a good answer."

"Now let me ask you a question. How do you feel about dating a white girl?"

"You know, I've never dated a white chick before. -I looked at him in shock. -Haha, yeah. All my past girlfriends were of color."

"And do you think your parents will be okay with that?"

"I hope. My parents are conservatives, they are narrow minded, but I know that they love me and they want what's best for me and if my happiness is thanks to you, then they will accept you with open arms."

"I like that. Really."

"Yes?" he asked me with a smile on his face and I nodded. "Well, come here."

We lined in and connected our lips.
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Now I found myself seating with my legs up on Josh's lap. I was fidgeting with his fingers.
He had big hands and the rings he had made them look so good.

You must know that one of the things I instantly notice in a guy is their hands and their hand gestures. I like men with big hands.

We stayed like that until he spoke.

"What was your first impression of me?" I giggled.

"Thats funny, because when I first saw you, you gave me this intense look, and at first I thought you were angry, but then you smiled and my knees went weak. Then you talked and oh my god. What was your first impression of me?"

"I thought that you were super cute and sexy. I mean, you are, but while I was watching Kris' season, I just thought you were cute and sexy, but now that I know you a little better, I know that you are extremely talented, super intelligent and beyond beautiful."

I did the only thing I knew how to do. I blushed, and hard. Josh chuckled.

"You look beautiful with that blush over your pretty cheeks."

"Stop it, I feel like a tomato."

"You look beautiful." He then kissed me. It wasn't a sweet kiss like the others, it was a passionate kiss.

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After I was done talking to everyone, I met the guys at the living room and sat down. I looked at the rose. Doubt in my mind.

Everyone was watching me, so I sighed and grabbed the rose. 

"This decision was hard, just because I had a great time with all of you and I had some great conversations with you guys and I can truly feel a connection there, but ultimately, I will give this rose to the person who opened up to me the most and I really appreciate that." I made a small pause. "So, Liam..." I turned to him and he smiled. "Will you accept this rose?"

"It would be an honor. Thank you." I pinned the rose to his jacket and the hugged him.

After that, we all said our goodbyes and then I went to sleep. I needed a good night sleep so I could think about what I would do tomorrow.