The Bachelorette

Week 1. Rose ceremony

Today is the day of the second rose ceremony, and to be honest I am in a little predicament. There are some amazing guys here, but I know that before the night starts, I need to talk to the guys about the Kris situation.

I turned to look at one of the producers.

"Hey, could I talk to Chris Harrison?"

The producer nodded, and thirty minutes later, there was a knock on my door and Chris came in.

"Alanna, hi. I heard you wanted to see me."

We hugged and then we sat down on the kitchen chairs, because I still was having my breakfast.

"So, I know you know that I had a conversation with Kris. He was here twice and I feel that I need to talk to the guys about that, and I was wondering if I could go to the mansion."

"I mean, whatever you'd like to do. If you feel like you need to tell them, go ahead. We can take you to the mansion."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When I arrived at the mansion, I knocked on the door and after a few seconds, Jack opened the door. He seemed surprised, but he smiled and greeted me.

"Hi, can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course." He stepped aside, so he could let me in. "Guys, Alanna is here."

I could here the noise of everyone on the stairs. As I entered the living room, I had multiple eyes looking at my direction.
I just smiled and greeted everyone.

"So, I know that you are surprised to see me here, specially today because of the rose ceremony, but I needed to talk to you." Everyone stayed silent, so I continued talking. "I know that for this to work, we need to be completely honest with each other, and if I'm asking for your honesty, I need to be honest with you guys. So, I know that most of you, because I don't know if everyone did, but I know some of you watched last season of the bachelor, my season with Kris. You know that I was completely heart broken, not only because he chose someone else, but because I also found out that he expressed his love not only to me, but to two other girls. After I was sent home, I kept this hope of him knocking on my door to tell me that he made a mistake and that he wanted to be with me, but obviously that didn't happen, so after a few months, I was over him. Long story short, I was with Kris twice this week." I heard some gasps and saw a few eyes roll, but I continued. "He came to see me the night of my one-on-one with Brent, he told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with him. To be honest, I didn't know what to say, I was somewhat speechless. He told me that him and Kennedy had broken up and that we could finally be together, at that point, I was angry, because he had the nerve to tell me that we could finally be together. I told him that I didn't love him any more, that I didn't want to be with him and that I had you guys. I told him that it wouldn't be fair to you guys if I just decided to be with him. He then left, but yesterday before the cocktail party, he showed up again, saying the same things. So then I asked him, 'why do you love me?' and his only answer was because I can't stop thinking about you. That was his only answer, and for me, that isn't a good enough answer, so to prove a point, I told him all the reasons of why I fell in love with him. Then I told him I thought he was afraid of being alone. So then our conversation ended and he then went home. I haven't seen him since and I hope he doesn't come again."

Everyone was still silent. I was beginning to feel a little scared of the reaction they could have. Was it a good idea to come clean about my confrontations with Kris?
Then, thankfully, Theo made a question, breaking the ice.

"Do you think that maybe you could still have feelings for him?"

"You know, I can assure you that I have zero feeling for him. He will always be a part of my life, maybe not physically, but if he hadn't 'rejected' me, I wouldn't be standing here in front of you. But, I do not have feeling for him."

"How do you feel about all of this?" Shawn asked me.

"To be honest, I feel good. It might sound weird, but I feel good about the closure Kris and I got. I now know that being in this position is hard, but I don't know."

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At night.
I had just arrived to the mansion, and entered the house for the second time today. I saw everyone standing up, waiting for me.

"Hello." Bill handed me my drink. "Thanks. I know that today has been probably a little weird and maybe awkward, but I truly want to have a good night and I'm looking forward to talking to all of you, so cheers and let's have a wonderful night." I raised my glass and everyone did the same.

I was waiting for someone to take me somewhere to talk, but it seemed like something was off. It wasn't until Rob grabbed my hand and asked if we could talk.

"What's up with you guys? You all seem a little bit off. Was it because of what I told you earlier?"

"I mean, yes and no. We all are preoccupied for what will happen tonight, because we don't want to go, I sure don't, because it has been wonderful getting the opportunity to meet you, and I feel a big connection between the two of us. But also, some of the guys probably feel threaten by Kris, just because of your history."

"Do you feel that way? Threaten I mean." I looked into his eyes with a frown.

"No, I believed you when you said that you have no feelings for that guy and how can I be threaten by a guy who isn't even here? Your past is that, your past and I am trying to live in the present, and hopefully be part of your future."

"You are right, but if you do feel threaten, remember that you are the one here with me, not him. I want to get to know you, not him."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. So, if we end up engaged, would you consider moving to Chicago?"

"Of course. I love Chicago and the history it has. But I think that for us to start a new chapter, it would be better if we bought our own place in a different country."

"That's a good point. So where would you move?"

"Maybe New York, or I would go to Europe, or even Canada. I don't know, I just know that I want to see the world."

"That's nice. So I have had this feeling of wanting to do something all week, since we saw each other, so I'm gonna do it."

"Wha..." I was cut off by his lips pressing into mine. I smiled through the kiss and when we separated, he put his forehead against mine.

We heard footsteps.

"I think that is my cue to leave. I'll see you later."

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I had talked to all of the guys and I was waiting for Chris to call us to the room. I was going over every conversation, every moment in my head, so I could know for sure what I was going to do.

Someone cleared his throat and I looked up. Chris Harrison was standing there, which meant it was time.
We all followed him and I positioned myself next to the roses.

"I know that being in your position is hard, but trust me, being in my position is as hard. I just want to tell you that if you go home, it's not because i don't like you, it's just that i have stronger relationships or better connections and I need to explore that. Please always keep in mind that you guys are awesome and that I am truly greatfull of you being here."

I grabbed my first rose.

"Bill." He walked towards me. "Will you accept this rose?"

"Of course I will." He smiled and hugged me.

One by one, I began calling their names.
"Cameron
Taron
Isaac
Josh
Kyle
Alexander
Colton
Theo
Shawn
Will
Wesley
Ronny
Jack
Charlie
Bill
Rob"

It was my last rose. There were a few guys left and I was thinking my decision. It was between Luke, Brian, Greg, Cam, Riley and Cole.

Chris came into the room. "Gentlemen, this is the last rose of tonight. When you're ready." He turned to me, and then walked away.

"Cam." He came to me. "Cam, will you accept this rose?"

"Everytime." I smiled and pinned the rose to his suit blazer. He then returned to the place he was standing.

"Gentlemen, if you did not receive a rose tonight, I'm sorry, take a moment and say your goodbyes." Everyone said goodbye and then they came to me and I hugged them.

Next week would be better.