In real life

A helping hand

I'm in love with Joe Sugg.

The words echoed around in my head. They didn't make any sense. They were just meaningless letters bouncing from one side of my brain to the other. Back and forth. Back and forth. Until I slowly started to understand what they meant.

"You... are in love... with Joe?" I said slowly.

He nodded. "You can hate me now", he whispered and buried his face in his palms.

I blinked. "What? No! Absolutely not! Why would I on earth would I hate you?"

"Cause I'm gay", he said, his face still buried in the palms of his hands.

I frowned. "Finn, as you may recall Troye and Tyler are both gay. And I don't hate them. Troye is my best friend and Tyler is also a really good friend of mine. What makes you think it would be any different with you?"

"Because, Taylor, they are the adorable couple who the whole YouTube community ship harder then a rock", Finn said fiercely. "They have been openly gay for a good while now and they fight for LGBT rights. Them being gay is something everybody sees as a good thing and nobody questions. Them being gay is just so natural. But me? That is a whole different story. It's the opposite of natural. No one expects me to be gay, and in most peoples world I'm not supposed to be gay. It's just wrong. If I came out it would be like dropping a bomb. No one would see it as a good thing. No one. Including you. That, Taylor, is why I know that you hate me. Cause that's what everybody else would do if they found out."

By the end of his speech Finn was almost crying again and he quickly turned away from me so I wouldn't see the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe what I had just heard.

"Finn", I said at last, "do you really believe all of that?"

"Of course I do", he snapped. "Why wouldn't I? I know that it's true."

He tried to sound angry, but I could see how broken he really was. I sighed.

"I don't think it's true", I said, my voice soft and gentle. "I think that you are scared, and that it is making you think about the worst possible scenarios. But if you took a look at it all from another perspective I think that you would find things a lot easier. Do you think I'm right?"

There was a moment of silence. Then the sound of Finn's soft whisper filled the room.

"Yes", he said.

And then he broke down crying. His sobs were so violent that I almost started to panic while trying to comfort him.

"Shh it's going to be okay", I said, my voice coming out awfully high-pitched. "Take deep breathes. Hey, look at me." I reached out and turned his face towards me. "Just take deep breaths for me, yeah? Everything will be fine. Deep breaths." I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him towards me. "Deep breaths", I said again.

"Everything is just so fucking messed up", he sobbed into my chest. "Joe has wanted to tell everybody for ages. He says he's ready. But I'm not ready. I'm really not ready. I'm so fucking scared Taylor. And because of it Joe is angry with me. We almost broke up the other day. All because of me."

He continued to sob violently. I held him closed to me and I ran my fingers through his hair while I whispered comforting words to him. He cried for a long time, but I didn't let go of him. I continued to comfort him. And slowly but surely his sobs died down. When they did I leaned down and pecked his forehead.

"Finn?" I whispered softly.

He hummed in response.

"Have you told Joe all this?" I asked. "Have you told him the things you just told me?"