If I Could Tell Him (Tree Bros)

why?

A/N: hello ! yep its ya bitch back again. I have been gone for almost a year, but being thirsty for brallon fics led me back to wattpad, so here i am. also im really sorry for not updating hngg

The moment Heidi came into Evan's view, his chest caved in. His mom, his home, his safety, it all came back. Every good moment they had together, every smile they shared, it flooded his brain and tears began to fall from his eyes. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, as if he was scared to let go, and felt her smiling sobs shake through his body.

"I l-love you so, so much. I-I don't know w-what I would have d-done if..." Heidi cut off, overcome with relief and gratitude. All her extra shifts, late nights, hours spent practically going insane with worry, they were worth it. Evan was worth it.

Evan felt the most loved that he had ever been in his life.

But then a thought popped into back of his head.

You don't deserve this.

He shook his head and felt guilt poke at his ribs, creeping its way into him and ruining this moment.

Just think about what you put her through. All the stress, pain, and hospital bills. How much do you think this all cost? $5,000? $10,000? More, even? Do you really think your pathetic life is worth that much?

Evan felt his heart sink and let his mom pull away and study his face for a moment longer, with the sweetest smile and the most loving eyes. However, Evan was absorbed by his shame and guilt until he noticed a skinny boy dressed in black in the corner of his white hospital room. He shifted uncomfortably under Evan's gaze. He smiled weakly, but immediately cringed after. There was no good way of saying, "Hey, nice to see you again buddy! I found you in your darkest hours after you attempted suicide, possibly saved your life, and have befriended your mom! Hope to talk soon, my guy!" Luckily, Heidi opened her mouth, realizing the two boys' tension.

"Oh, uh, Evan, Connor here is the guy who, uh, who found you."

"Glad you're okay," was all Connor could muster. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he decided to take it easy as of now.

"Uhm... uh, thanks," Evan replied, somewhat frightened by Connor's brooding manner but kind words. Of course, cute Connor was the one who saved him. He's the one who gets to know how much of a freak he is. He was sure Connor could relate, however. After an extended period of cautious silence and Heidi gazing lovingly at her son, Connor walked towards the door.

"I'll give you some time alone. Good night, Heidi."

"See you soon, Con," Heidi mindlessly replied as she stroked Evan's hair, unwilling to break contact with him.

Connor walked down the hall with a glad heart. Evan was okay. And Heidi was too. After hearing all her stories about him, he felt like he knew him a little bit more than he used to.

But he couldn't help the tinge of jealousy gnawing at his heart.

Evan blinked, thinking over what had happened. In an attempt to distract himself from the elephant in the room, his mental state, he decided to ponder over his 'savior,' Connor Murphy. It was kind of him to rescue Evan, it really was, but what was he doing in that orchard? The only reason he could come up with was getting high, and he doubted Connor could have rescued him under the influence. But then again he didn't know much about smoking drugs. Despite desperately theorizing over the smallest details, there was just one question Evan couldn't answer.

Why did he save me?

Maybe it was out of the good of his heart. Maybe it was out of pity. Maybe he was afraid of being framed for murder. Did Evan seem like someone worth saving? He would expect a scoff, a look of disdain and nothing more. The loser who tried to kill himself not once, but twice! And failed both times! Evan chuckled sadly to himself, wallowing in self hate. Connor should have just left him there.