Joanne through the years.

Life Or Death

"Is she alive?  Is she okay?" I could hear my dads panicked voice.  I tried to call out to him but I couldn't.  My mouth hurt even just to move it and all that came out was some sort of croak . My voice appeared to have stopped working and there was a large mask on my face.  I lifted one hand to move it but one of the paramedics caught my hand and gently placed it back down to my side.
"You have to keep that on dear.  Its providing you with oxygen" she said.  I knew she only wanted what was best for me but right now I needed my dad and Joe.  I needed to let my dad know that I was alright and I needed to know that Joe was still alive.  If he died then I would never forgive myself.  I let go.  I should have held on tighter but I didn't.  I let the fireman take me first.  I should have forced him to take Joe.  I should have shoved Joe into his arms and refused to move until Joe was safe.  I probably could have held onto consciousness for a few more minutes so that both me and Joe could live but I had fainted the moment the fireman pulled me out of the building.  I had fainted the moment I was safe and I had never felt so bad about it.  I couldn't blame myself.  I needed to pull myself together.  I had to stay strong.  For Joe.
"Dianne?" my dad called desperately.  He sounded in so much pain, like he was just waiting to find his daughter dead somewhere. "Dianne? Where are you?"
"Could he be looking for this one?" one of the paramedics asked the other.
"Well, she is the only girl that we've found.  There may be more in the building but this one here looks like a Dianne" the paramedic replied. "She's over here" she called out to my dad.  I heard a sigh of both relief and worry before there was hurried footsteps and someone grabbed my hand. 
"Dianne?" I could hear my dad sobbing over me.  "Oh Dianne, Dianne, Dianne" he grabbed my hand.  My eyes fluttered open.  I was lying on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance. There was a mask over my face, which although was supposed to be helping me to breathe made me feel rather claustrophobic and many tubes were attached to my arms.  Paramedics bustled around me.  My dad was sitting beside me, the tears streaming down his face.  I closed my eyes again.  I had to keep them closed.  I had to.  I needed to know if Joe was alright and they weren't going to talk about it if they thought that I might hear.  Just then the other paramedic began to speak.
"Is anyone else hurt?" she asked.  My heart beat faster. 'Please let Joe be safe. Please let Joe be safe' I chanted in my head, hoping that if I said it enough then it would come true.
"Sadly yes.  There were quite a lot of other boys that escaped before the fire got too bad.  Some paramedics are checking them over right now but they'll be just fine.  They've inhaled quite a lot of smoke and one of them got caught in the staircase collapsing but he was just at the very bottom. They reckon that he may have broken his ankle but that's not the worst of it" the nurse sighed.
"Nobodies dead are they?" the other paramedic gasped.  I waited with baited breath.
"One of the boys looked like he was chained to the wall.  This one" she nodded at me "Must have managed to free him but he's taken a lot of smoke.  He's pretty messed up.  His leg was completely on fire when the fireman got to him.  I cant see him making it.  Someone shot him as well.  They're airlifting him to hospital in a few minutes.  They're working on him right now though" the paramedic finished sadly.
No, no, no, no, no.  Joe couldn't die.  I needed him.  I loved him.  He had to live.  The tears began to stream out of my eyes.  Outside I heard an awful scream.  Zoe.  Zoe was screaming.  That could only mean one thing.  Joe was dead.  Joe had gone.  He wasn't coming back.  He didn't deserve to die.  He couldn't die.  He was so strong and so brave and he was the nicest person I had ever met and now he was gone.  All because of one evil, twisted man.  A lump rose in my throat and I began to sob.  I felt guilty.  Why had I let go.  I should have held his hand forever but now he was gone.  I would never be able to hold his hand again.  I would never be able to see his smile again.  His laugh would no longer light up every room.  I'd never look into his eyes again. I'd never be able to tell him that I loved him.  I had already told him but I needed to tell him a thousand times.  I loved him more than anything in this world.  I would never walk with him to school.  Never again would we laugh in the back of class together.  I would never get to teach him how to dance.  I would never be able to fall asleep in his arms ever again.  And Joe.  The life he had missed out on.  He'd never be able to grow old and get married, have children.  Zoe would be heartbroken.  She wouldn't know what to do with herself.
"It's okay Dot" my dad soothed as I cried. "You're gonna be okay" he rubbed my arm.  He didn't get it.  I wasn't crying for me, I was crying for Joe.  Never again would I cry for me.  I would always cry for Joe.  How could I live without him?  Soon the ambulance began to move as it carried me to the hospital and away.  Away from the burning building.  Away from my friends.  And most importantly: away from Joe.