Joanne through the years.

Until You're Safe

The day that I could finally be out of this prison was looming.  I hated the hospital.  It was such a horrible place to be but thankfully tomorrow I would be leaving.  I had to admit, part of me didn't want to go.  I would only be further away from Joe.  But tomorrow, Zoe and I were going to visit him.  He had undergone quite a few surgeries in the last few days.  Most of them being on his severely burnt leg as they were having to do skin grafts and things like that.  I just hoped that he was recognisable from the Joe that I knew.
I woke up early on the morning of my leaving day.  Zoe came to see me and once I was discharged we went to the waiting room.  It was at least a few hours until they would allow us to see Joe but I didn't care how long I had to wait...as long as I could see him. 

 After three and a quarter hours of nervous waiting, a nurse finally came down the hallway.  Her sharp eyes swept the waiting room, looking for us.

"Zoe Sugg and Dianne Buswell?  Here to see Mr Joe Sugg?" she called.  We stood up and made our way towards her.  My legs were shaking so much that I could barely stand.  Zoe gave my hand a quick squeeze before we were walked down the corridor and to a door. The nurse left us outside the door and told us to take all the time we needed.  I stared at the handle.
"I'm so nervous" I whispered.  Zoe side hugged me.
"We can get through this together" she placed her hand on the door handle and I placed mine on top of hers.  We both pushed down at the same time and the door creaked open.  My breath caught in my throat.  Joe was lying in the bed.  His eyes closed, a mask obscuring most of his face.  My eyes brimmed with tears.  Just seeing him lying there, so weak and defenceless made me want to sob.  I walked over to him.  From what I could tell, his face wasn't burnt.  I was thankful for that.  He had Wires and tubes going into his body and there was a loud beeping from the machine in the corner-making sure that his heart was beating.
"Joe. Joey, Joey, Joey" I pulled up a chair and sat beside his bed.  Zoe did the same but on the other side.  We each took a hand and held it tightly in our own.  Neither of us said anything.  I was too scared after what that nurse had told me.  What if Joe was waiting to know that we were all okay before he died.  Zoe left after a few hours but I stayed.

 "Hey Joe" I whispered shakily after I could bear the silence no longer. "It's me.  I made it out okay.  I got discharged from hospital today.  The rest of lads were okay.  Jack broke his ankle though and your mum and Zoe have made a full recovery.  They caught your dad as well" I took a deep breath and looked at Joe.  It was still so easy to talk to him. "You're strong Joseph.  You can do this.  Please fight.  The doctors say that you wont make it but I know you can.  I need you.  Even though I'm moving to Australia in three months...I still need you more than ever.  I don't know what I'd do without you.  I thought you were dead for a bit.  But you aren't because you're brave and you're strong. You're the strongest person I know and I love you so so much.  You love proving people wrong Suggy.  Lets prove these doctors wrong.  Lets prove that you're a fighter and that you will always make it.  I believe in you.  You can do this" I talked to him for a few more hours. I mainly talked about dancing and some of the things he had missed at school.  I told him how the Rose clones' names weren't actually their real names.  They just decided to change their names to be flowers to be like Rose.  Primroses real name was actually Beetroot.  I laughed a bit whilst telling him other stories . Around 10pm I left the hospital.  I was excited to be at my own house tonight but I felt bad leaving Joe.  

I visited him every day for the next few weeks.  There was no improvement but he hadn't got any worse.  When I came into visit him 1 month after the incident I began as I normally did.  I told him everything about my day and also how much I loved and missed him.

"Please come back Suggy" I said. "I miss you.  I need you.  The nurses say your in pain.  Please come back.  Please fight.  You can do it.  I love you so much and I know you probably don't feel the same way but-" I stopped.  Joe had squeezed my hand.  "Joe?" I said.  No movement.  But he had definitely squeezed it.  This was a sign.  He could hear me.  He was going to get better. The tears rolled down my cheeks. "I love you so so so much" I whispered.  Another squeeze.  My heart practically stopped beating.  Was he going to wake up.  I continued to talk to him but he made no more signs of life.  

Over the next few weeks, Joe continued to squeeze my hand occasionally.  He never did it to anyone else.  Zoe and his friends had all tried yet Joe had never responded.  They had lost all faith that he was ever going to wake up and they all seemed to think that I was imagining his hand squeezing.  Maybe I was but  I was the only one left who still strongly believed that Joe could do it, that he could pull through, that he could open his eyes, that he could get well and live life to its fullest.  It was now late April. We weren't moving till the end of June.  I was beginning to get worried that Joe wouldn't wake up until I had left.  Or what if I left and they turned his life support off.  Then he would die.  I couldn't leave until he was well again.  I wouldn't leave until he was safe.