my bloody valentine | frerard ✓

choke - gerard's pov

「i wouldn't hesitate to smile while you suffocate and die」

---

jamia was trying to confess, that's for sure. i can't allow this to happen, especially after all that i've been through.

okay, yes, i was eavesdropping on frank and lynz.

it's fun to watch your crush in the shadows. you get to examine their every move, and see them smile.

frank has a very cute smile. i also like his eyes, he can smile with his eyes if he tried.

why?

because why not? i have to watch her every move on frank.

i told her to keep an eye on lynz, make sure she doesn't get in my way. but it looks like that jamia has become a nuisance herself..

i nearly missed her run away through the corner of my eye.

there's a voice in the back of my head, it's shouting 'you have to go after her!' and there's another voice too..

'you have to kill her. keep your happiness, frank is yours, not hers.'

and to be honest, frank is mine and will only be mine.

i chase after her footsteps that were echoing down the hall, i pass by the nurse's office and enter, quickly grabbing a syringe.

good. i still have my pocket knife.

"she's dead, that's for sure.", i mumble to myself.

i walk out and close the doors. i hear sobs, loud and ugly sobs straight ahead.

the sound of someone crying is truly beautiful, everyone feels sadness.

the emotion, sadness, everyone cries.

this brings me back to when i was about 6 when some guy killed pa'. mikey, ma', pa' and i were all doing our own thing, the bell rang, pa' answered it and was immediately shot. pa' was a good guy, he didn't deserve to die. but ma' told me that the world isn't just cupcakes and rainbows out there, it's a warzone.

poor mikey, he was only two and bawled his eyes out at the sound of the gunshot.

fucking murderers.

i promised that i would protect mikey, ma' and all of my loved ones.

that includes frank.

frank was the only thing that made me happy, even if he never was. i knew about him ever since he came to this school last year, he's so damn cute..

i guess i just watched him from afar.

but do i have to go and kill someone just for happiness?

yes.

yes i do.

my hand hovered over the handle - do i really want to confront jamia with my pocket knife visible?

i open the door. her eyes met mine then she quickly turned away, ashamed of what she has become.

the exact look that frank had in his eyes.

would you describe as fear?

"hey.", i say, closing the door behind me.

jamia didn't say anything, she continued to fidget with her hands. she was shaking, scared. tears streamed down her cheeks, as if it were a waterfall.

"you know.. don't you?", i hiss.

she nods.

fragile.

broken.

ashamed.

she knows.

she knows everything.

"fuck you jamia.", i mutter under my breath.

"i-i'm sorry gerard.", she stammers out. "i can't keep my feelings in any longer. i like frank. i love him."

"life isn't fair. i love frank too.", i turn away. "maybe one of us has to go away."

"g-go away? go where?", she asked.

ah, so innocent and so damn naive.

"where?", i repeat. "away from frank. gone from this world."

the words felt like venom on my tongue. her eyes widen as she realized what i had meant.

"no.. you can't..!", she gasps, wiping away her tears. "frank wouldn't be happy. lynz wouldn't be proud. you're wiping me away from existence!"

"so?", i scoff, twirling the knife in hand. "i don't care what you think, i just want frank."

"greedy. you're so damn greedy gerard.", jamia spat. "you don't care for anyone but yourself, right? why should frank love some self-centered bitch like you?"

bitch? i'm not a bitch.

"you don't even know frank that well, i was the one who stuck with him his ENTIRE life. you stayed behind in the shadows and lurked around until he noticed you first."

all these words were like arrows, aimed towards my heart.

my grip tightened on the handle of the weapon.

"what are your famous last words?", i sneer, holding the knife up to her throat.

her eyes widen, she then sighed with a painful smile. "frank doesn't deserve you."

"fuck you."

stab.

blood.

and she's dead.

i'm going to hell for this.

but in the end, it's all worth it. it was for frank, everything i did was for him.

all i need is to have frank to myself to feel complete.