Renae Dreams (Currently Editing)

22.) Making a mistake

RENAE
April

"Ok so it seems as if things are getting better for you for you Renae." Tish, the new therapist spoke.

"I'm feeling better." Renae lied,

"Are you still cutting?"

"No." She lied again.

"May I check?" Tish asked.

Nodding, Renae showed her makeup covered wrists.

"Ok, so let's talk." She spoke putting the clipboard down. "Tell me how long you've been doing this."

"Some years..." Renae answered.

"More than six?" Tish asked.

Renae nodded.

"What caused it?"

Renae rubbed her hands on her pants momentarily. "My dad."

"Which one? Bryson or your biological one?"

"The drug addict."

Tish stared at her for a moment then nodded.

"He made a lot of empty promises, he only called me when he was high. He hated how good Bryson treated me so he used to pop up and make random plans but never fulfilled them." Renae spoke then stopped talking. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"It's ok, it helps if you talk about it." Tish told her.

Renae shook her head. "No, I don't want to think about that anymore."

"Why? What happened in your childhood that has you so closed off?"

Renae stared down at the floor as the tears rolled down her cheek.

"Renae?" Tish called softly.

Ignoring her, Renae kept her eyes on the floor. "One day..." she began as she wiped her face. "He called my mom and asked her if I could meet him at the seven eleven so we could go places..."

Taking a deep breath, she sighed as she began to swing her foot back and forth. "Bryson drove me there and we sat in the parking lot for three hours just waiting for him to show up... but he never did. When we got back home, I called him... and you know what he told me?"

"What?" Tish replied.

"That he was just there and I missed him. He told me it was my fault that we weren't gonna hang out because I didn't wait. For freaking three hours, I sat in that car and argued with my stepdad for him! Because that little girl in me wanted to believe that no matter what everyone else says, he was my father and perfect! Every time he promised me something I waited and waited and waited and waited! Not once! Not one single time has he ever came through with his word! I want to hate him but I can't because I need him! And it kills me that I can't hate him like everyone else does. That's my dad! I just want him to love me the way I should be." She expressed before she broke down.

"Renae..." Tish called on the verge of tears. "You don't need him babygirl."

"Yes I do!" She screamed.

"No you don't, he doesn't deserve to be in your life and see you win. He isn't worthy of your tears anymore do you hear me? You have Bryson and from what I've read in your report, that's the only father you need. It hurts not having your real father there and having him choose drugs over you, but trust me, it will always be like that. Him choosing the drugs over you, it's what he's used to, if he's been doing it this long, there's no coming back and you have to, for yourself learn to love him from afar." Tish told her as she extended her hand out to Renae but she shook her head.