Saving Primary Sanders | A Sander Sides Book

VIII - Dramadiorama

Good morning, peeps! It's one minute to noon here so I just had to say that!

The first scene in this chapter is probably my favorite slapstick I've ever written, but I guess it's funnier when I imagined it than wrote it. Hope it makes you chuckle!

0800 h

Logan pinches the bridge of his nose as he takes a seat with the rest of them at the kitchen table. They do not look as boisterous as usual, and he wonders if the business with the spy would create wedges between his teammates. Patton was the one most likely to still trust everyone unconditionally, Roman and Virgil would only trust each other, and Remy never really did trust anyone to begin with.

Roman lays his head in his arms on the table and immediately falls asleep. Virgil comes in after waking Thomas up, and sits next to Roman. He starts playing with the hair at the back of Roman's neck to calm himself down. Virgil never does well at sit-down meals. Remy fills the coffee machine, and tugs out cartons of orange juice and milk from the refrigerator, and set it on the table, unsure if he is supposed to ask who wanted what. He watches his own coffee slowly pour out. He figures leaving them to serve themselves was for the best.

Less interaction, less drama.

Virgil mutters a thank you and pours himself some orange juice. He puts a mug of milk in front of Roman, and sticks a bendy straw in his mouth. Roman starts drinking happily in his sleep.

Logan is not in the mood for a drink. He gets up and joins Patton at the kitchen island, where he is busy cutting a mountain of bread.

"Um... isn't it more sensible to start preparing the filling now? Otherwise we might have too much bread for the five of us."

"There can never be too much bread!" says Patton sagely.

"Okay... but I'm not looking forward to eating plain bread!"

"No worries! We got butter and sausages and ham and bacon strips and patties and tomato sauce and barbecue sauce and mustard and mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce and cucumber and olives and bell pepper and carrots and beetroot and gherkins and asparagus and cheese! Oh my, the cheeses we have! Cheddar and - "

"Patton, that will do. I have no doubt you have enough cheeses to pave a road to Switzerland and back."

"But wouldn't the road get squishy and sticky then?"

Logan facepalmed. "That joke was so... cheesy!"

"OHMYGODS! You made a pun."

"Just get on with the sandwiches!"

Chuckling to himself, Patton lights the stove and throws two frying pans onto it with a clatter. Next he grabs a lighter and a bottle of oil, and splashes a generous quantity in the pans. As expected, most if it ends up on the floor.

"My sainted Aunt Patty!" shrieks Logan leaping back to not get any oil on his shoes.

"What is up, everybody!" Thomas bursts into the kitchen with a spring in his step. Which would have been cute if he did not slip on the oil and go spinning across the floor. He face planted onto the table with a goofy yell.

Several things happened at the same time.

A wave of milk splashes on to Roman's face and he leaps up with a shout. "Aaargh! We're under attack! Floods! Water benders! Water balloons! Oh wait -" Roman licks his lips. "It's milk! It's raining milk! Mad cows be flying!"

Patton squeaks like a mouse who sees a piece of cheese in a mousetrap, and drops his lighter. A line of flames fan over the ground.

Logan snatches the fire extinguisher off the wall and sprays on the flames.