Saving Primary Sanders | A Sander Sides Book

XIV - Razzi(counter)attack

Well this chapter is a mess... so many different things crammed together, basically because I wrote bits and pieces on the run. Lol. 

1510 h

Roman glares at his vibrating pocket. It was a very special buzz and he recognises it immediately. Or rather a certain part of him right next to the phone did. He groaned. Now was not the time Virgil. He was in a compromising position that did not benefit in any way from a call of that nature.

You see (or rather, you read), Thomas was having a panic attack. Of the dramatic kind. He was splayed out on the long seat of the Limousine, a wet cloth over his face, in attitudes of violent distress. Why, you may ask? (or you comment, rather.) He fears his face-to-face confrontation with the media persons at the press conference.

"I only wanted to be a nice guy who made everyone smile! Why must a homicidal maniac target me? Okay, in this case it's a childhood friend who was insanely jealous of me and crazily in love with me at the same time, so I can get why, but still why, why, why? I want to cuddle a conveyor belt full of soft toys with faces of all the boys who loved me. I feel so wrong to be the root cause of all this shooting and bombing and spying. Okay, I knew I was signing up for this when I became famous, but still why, why, why!"

"Cease your incessant whining, Mr Thomas Foley Sanders, or I will eject you out of this car," says Logan.

A/N: Sorry for cutting in, but can we all take a moment to appreciate that Thomas' middle name is Foley? Being a devoted Fander, I knew this since one minute ago when I looked it up for that joke (I'm glad I did, learnt something new, and also sue me, I am a bad Fander for not knowing that before) but I can't wait till the end of this chapter to fangasm over it. Okay, so the dictionary (naturally, one turns to the dictionary when they fangasm, dincha know?) tells me that 'foley' means relating to or concerned with the addition of recorded sound effects after the shooting of a film. The word came into usage in honour of Mr. J.D. Foley (1891 – 1967) a sound editor from Hollywood. Alright, take deep breaths. Thomas was literally literally LITERALLY meant to be a singer/ YouTuber/ video maker from the day he was named (or years or months before when his parents thought up of that name, probably because they liked the sound of it or a distant uncle had the same name... but let us not worry about what we shall never know.) And, it's a bit of a stretch but Foley sounds like the musical Follies, which is the biggest gay thing on Broadway, and Thomas is the biggest gay and musical thing not on Broadway! (Grrrrr) Also, my conspiracy theorist senses tingled when I saw the Foley dude's initials. J.D.? As in Jason Dean fro Heathers? AS IN ONE OF THE CHARACTERS HE HAS PLAYED? AAAAAAARRRRCGH! And we are done with that. Back to the story, where Thomas is crying like a baby because contextual contrast is a key element in comedy. What's that? You don't know what contextual contrast is? Well, it's all about... NO. Only want rant per day.

Press unpause.

"You are mean to me, Logan," says Thomas. "I am drowning here and you're not helping me."

"That is because you did not read any of my cue cards. Cue cards are a speechmaker's gospel. And you disregarded them."

"But I can't repeat those up on stage like a parrot robot!"

"I do not understand," says Logan, with a puzzled frown. "Isn't talking the same as repeating memorised words like a parrot robot?"

"No it isn't! Everyone stares back at me and judges me for everything is say or don't say and how fat I am!"

"Well, do not care what other people think of you. You should be able to handle a few questions, you are an actor!"

"Exactly. I am an actor, and my entire career is built on what people think of my face and body and voice!"