Saving Primary Sanders | A Sander Sides Book

XXI - The End of the Fucking Story

If you're wondering where I got inspiration for this chapter title, please do check out The End of the Fucking World, highly recommend. Well, let's get on with this shall we? I dunno if there are other Awards show nuts here, but I based the Berry Awards on the golden Globes than the Oscars, coz the former gets more cray, hm?

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Lets set the scene, shall we? For some reason there is buoyant jazz music and bubbling champagne corks popping in my head, so that can be our background music. The city hall was transformed into an extravagant venue the likes of which will put a billion dollar casino to shame. The theme was Caribbean inspired, and plastic palm trees glowing in every colour known to man line the well lit drive way crowded with expensive cars spewing out indulgently dressed dignitaries ready to make fashion history. Cameras flash at the exact right time to catch a poor unsuspecting celebrity in a compromising pose and reporters ask remarkably insensitive questions and get epic clap backs. The child stars steal the show, as always, and there is always that guy who dresses down. Inside the hall is made up into a vista of stunning backdrops of blue oceans and skies. Glittering bejewelled ipomea flowers sit on pristine white tables that are spread in concentric circles around the stage, which is designed to mimic a frozen wave. Light piano music plays as the guests drift indoors, with their unseen security staff scurrying around like black ants making sure everything is going on without a hitch. If you like, I can let you know about what happens behind the scenes, but we are here to go ooh and aah at the pretty faces and clap at the person who wins, or scream at how unfair the win was. But don't take my word for it, I've got a more credible source to capture the excitement!

A video pops up in your recommendations. Click play.

"Hello and Good Evening, dear Ladies and Gentlemen and everything in between and far away, welcome to my YouTube channel. If this is the first time you are seeing me for the first time, hi, I'm <insert basic white girl name/ basic gay guy nickname> and I run an Internet cult for award show fanatics because of all the fashion! The dates! The drama! The snuuuubs. All my social media links are in the description if you want to hang out with me! I've got a very special live stream for you today, a reaction of the Berry Awards 2019! As you can see the first guests are rolling up in their Limousines and carriages right now! Oh look, there is that crazy DJ on a horse! Stunning! Comment down below if you think a horse is better than a Porsche or vice versa. I do not have the time to read or answer all of your lovely comments but I do appreciate it! Look, someone just got out of a helicopter! Who is this David S. Pumpkins knock off? I do not recognise him or that eye candy on his arm! Is he even a celebrity? Oh one of my fans watching me live tells me that it is a Mr Scorpio Svengali, who is the Director of the Dignitary Defence Division... who dat? Does he direct films? No wonder he's not important! Is this Division a dance studio? Oooooh, never mind, look who's up next! It's Thomas Sanders! As a hardcore Sanderling – guys please pass on the hastag #sanderling, I'm trying to bring it back – I know from all my stalking that he is single now! Sorry ladies, he only has eyes for the men! What is he wearing? A pink suit and a shockingly ratty t-shirt. Sorry, I did not mean to throw shade, but your homegirl is a bit tipsy today! Thomas looks like an expensive red wine that your mum wrapped in some pink flower wrapping paper to give to your 'conservative' aunt who folds and keeps the wrapper. I like it when a man wears something more interesting than a black or blue tux, boring, puke emoji. And call me a bond girl who wants to be shot in the two 0s and 7, but who is this James Bond impersonator? OMG you guys, he's holding Thomas' hand! Thomas has a date? Who is this? He looks like a sexy spy undercover as a sexy limousine driver, a sexy double agent. Oh wait, he is actually Thomas' chauffer, Remy Goor. I'll ask my minions to stalk – I mean, background check on him. Well the secret is out, the new James Bond is gay and he's dating Disney's first gay prince. Blessed to be living in 2019! And the moment we've all been waiting for... Thomas's Bodyguard! It's Roman Bronze, and he's wearing that jacket like it shrank at the dry cleaning but he wore it anyway! And yes, he has a thirst Instagram, everyone go follow him! What I will do for a bite of that A...Star! Ahem. Well that's all for now, let's see who comes up next! I hope it's the couple everyone's talking about, the cawgirl and the mathemagician! I'm taking a little break to update you about that vlog with the space racoon everyone went crazy over! Don't forget to let me know if Thomas' new boyfriend is a hottie or a nottie, and if his suit is an 8.5 or a 9? Comment below! Bye!"