Saving Primary Sanders | A Sander Sides Book

XVIII - Dude Found

I guess it's pretty obvious who the dude is?

Just a heads up, while the stuff that happens in this chapter are based in science, it probably wouldn't happen in the way it is depicted. Also it helps if you have a vivid imagination, my descriptions are rarely clear because I imagine everything but have no clue how to put it down in a way that makes sense.

1100 h

"I get the feeling the others are having more fun than us..." muses Patton as Logan measures him up.

"Oh shush. There will come a day that you will realise that running around adventures pale in comparison to making a good dress. Now hold your breath, I'm measuring your midriff."

Patton sucked in all his breath in until his face was red.

"That's a little too much, my dear. We do not want you asphyxiating whenever they take a picture."

Patton lets himself droop like a melting candle.

"And that's too little. Take a half breath."

"Better now?"

"3.4% more."

"Logan, I'm not a bicycle pump."

"No, you're a bit more intelligent than one. Try again."

"Waaaah why are you such a perfectionist?"

"Because being one is a hilarious character trait apparently. Now, you can go have a break. Ten minutes, return the exact second."

"I'm not a clockwork mouse either!" Patton flounces off, annoyed at Logan.

Logan sighs. He cannot tolerate insubordination, especially during the delicate art of dressmaking.

A peroxide blond beehive wig struts into the room.

Logan looks up, and greets the woman that follows the scene-stealing wig. "Good Morning, Madame Trixie La Douche. I hope you are not here to kill me."

"Oh those days are past! Plus, mon chere, I merely sneak in the gun, not pull the trigger myself." She winks. "Was that trouble I heard in paradise?"

"I believe so. Patton is being difficult."

"Don't be too hard on that little guppy puppy, darling."

"Well, I will not take advice from a former criminal without a pinch of salt."

"Well, you better take advice from an Ex, hm? We're not only here to act crazy."

"You have a point. It will be remiss of me to not get the consultation of someone who knew him well."

"Can you like not speak like a Marriage Counsellor, m'kay? Those guys are the worst at relationships." She picks up a swathe of material off the gorund. "You're gonna make a ball gown from this rag? Hm... nice sketch but our Pat isn't some Victoria Secret model, thank the good lord. Why don't you make him something that he'd like, not something you would?"

Logan looks ready to explode. "He likes what I like!"

Madame La Douche smirks.

"Oh. That's exactly what I sound like."

"Mm-Hmm."

"A change of plans. He was rather fond of the stupid ball gown Thomas had in here before I invaded. Maybe I can rework one of those."

"Atta-boy!"

Meanwhile Patton was sulking in the kitchen in a depressed funk, pouring water on his glasses to pretend he is walking sadly in a thematically appropriate rain.