Before It's Too Late | Yoonmin

Chapter 3

Running my hands through my hair frustratedly, I flinch slightly from it growing slightly darker in here. Turning my head back to look at my door, I notice the light coming from outside my room has finally turned to darkness. I bite my lip, rubbing the side of my face as I return my gaze to the notebook in front of me.

I can tell Jimin's slowly beginning to catch on. Him and Jin both are. It's noticeable just by how Jimin was acting yesterday and the conversation in front of the other boys over lunch earlier today. Jin doesn't seem to be as onto it as Jimin is, thankfully, but clearly I'm falling and I need to fix that. I need to stop being so fucking transparent. Either I figure out a way to hide this until I can somehow get fucking better, or I need a way out.

Groaning quietly in frustration with myself, I rub my hands over my face, needing to think. Needing to decide. I'm fucking done with this back and forth shit. I'm tired of trying to figure out if I'm hiding it well enough. If they're going to find out or not. Manager Nim has already gotten on my ass a couple of times within the last few months, because he doesn't want me problems leaking out to the world and to the boys. He doesn't want me bringing them down. He doesn't want me ruining them and tainting them with my pain and burdens.

Huffing to myself, I slam my hand against the desk as I push myself away from it.

I can't. I can't keep doing this anymore. There's just no way of keeping the act up. It's way too hard. It's just not who I am. I can't keep hanging on. I've never been the strong one in the group. I've always been the fucking weakest out of the seven of us. I've never been able to keep up, to be as good, to be as happy and cheery. And even now. I'm living my fucking dreams, yet... it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm working my ass off just to get ignored. Overlooked. I'm viewed as unnecessary. Not needed. Dark. Unhappy compared to the others. Quiet.

Shaking my head to myself, I run my fingers through my hair, tugging at the ends in frustration. Needing a way out but knowing I wouldn't be able to take one until I've gotten the song finished and we've got the album released anyways. I don't even have to stay as long as the comeback performance. All I need is for the album to get dropped. For this fucking song to be finished and off my plate so that I can at least finish one last thing for them.

With an idea finally coming to mind, I let out a shaky sigh, rubbing my hands over my face once more. Taking a few deep breaths and blinking away the remaining tears, I ruffle my hair and turn back to my work once more. Focusing back onto the song at hand, I slowly begin to feel just a little bit better. Feeling like a small weight has been taken off my shoulders as I've finally figured a way out. A way out of this hell. A way that I won't be a burden anymore. And I've got more than enough resources to help ensure that I don't fail at even this simple task.

Sighing much calmer this time, I read back over my work as I pick my pen up. Biting my lip, I slowly begin to work through my imperfections and start jotting down a little bit more here and there. Adding onto it more and more. It's the only thing standing in my way. It'll be my last piece of work. I have to make sure it's the absolute best it can be, but I can't take the next two years to write it all out either. Though, within a couple minutes, the paper is crumpled up and tossed to the corner of my desk.

Finding a new clean sheet, the lyrics flow much easier this time as I begin writing them down as quickly as I can. I don't want to lose them as they come to me, and within the next two hours, I've finally finished it. All that's left at this point, is creating the music to go with the lyrics, and that won't take more than an evening to complete.

Biting my lip with a tiny smile, I bookmark the page and close my notebook, standing up. Taking a deep breath, I shut everything down for the night in my studio before exiting, heading upstairs.

Entering my room, I go straight over to my dresser drawers and pull out a pair of sweats and a black tee shirt. Changing into them, I decide to make the most of what I know will be my last week, exiting my room once more. Biting my lip shyly, I make my way over to Jimin's room, carefully opening his door as quietly as possible. Slipping inside his room, I shut the door behind me just as quietly before making my way over to his bed where he's fast asleep.

Thankfully, he tends to be the one I go to when I've got nightmares, so it's not like it's the first time I'll have done something like this. The only difference is that, I'm not doing this because of any measly nightmare anymore, and it's been far too long since I've had a nightmare that I can handle those myself for quite some time now.