Before It's Too Late | Yoonmin

Chapter 9

Walking through the front door of the house, I hear the cab pull away and drive off down the street before I shut the door behind me. I'm the only one home at this point, having left after the doctors spoke with us and left himself. All of the others are still at the hospital, spending some time in Yoongi's room with him despite the fact that he's unconscious.

Biting my lip, I feel somewhat empty and lost as I walk away from the door after slipping my shoes off, heading for the stairs. As much as I want to cry right now, not a single tear begins to form, walking up the stairs tiredly. Not only did I not get any sleep last night, but I may have just lost Yoongi forever.

Pursing my lips, I shake my head at the thought, not wanting to even think about it. Not wanting to think about the fact that I may have just lost him. That I didn't do enough to comfort him and help him. That I wasn't there enough for him. That I wasn't there to stop him in time. That I couldn't save him...

Taking a deep shaky breath, I pause at my door, eyes wandering their way over to my hyungs. Letting my feet carry a numb body, I slowly walk over to his door, feeling a cold shiver run up my spine as I hesitantly open his door. I wish I could just open it and find him laying there. That all of this was just some horrible fucking dream. A fucking nightmare. That I'd open up his door and find him fast asleep in his bed, where he should've been when I went to enter last night.

Though, as much as I wish it would happen, I know it won't and I'm proven right as I find it empty once more. As I find it just the way it'd been left last night. Light on, bed made, room clean. As if... as if he had planned this.

I feel my heart crack and shatter all over again, shakily entering his room and making my way over to his bed. Feeling tears finally beginning to form, I sit down on the edge of the bed, already missing him beyond what words could explain. Though, I'm surprised when I look over to his perfectly splayed out pillows, finding a folded up sheet of paper with my name on it. That's all it takes to make the first tear drop, falling down my cheek as I reach out and pick it up. Slowly unfolding it, I find an entire page of Yoongi's beautiful scribbles.

Jiminie,

I guess if you're reading this, that means you've probably figured out that I'm gone already. I... I'm sorry, Jiminie. I wish I knew what to say to you, how to say it, wish I had the courage to say everything I've always been dying to say. I know you're going to be hurt over the fact that I've left, and I wish there could've been a way for me to leave without hurting you. The last thing I ever wanted, was for you to hurt or worry. For you to be sad or scared or for you to feel alone. I wish I could be there now to comfort you, though that would contradict the point of this in the first place.

You've always been so kind and sweet and strong, Jimin. So helpful and selfless, always looking for something to better yourself, always trying to help someone else, it was always give for you, never to take. And I couldn't be more grateful for that. You're such an amazing person, Jiminie, and, despite having never said it, I've always loved you. The fans always joke and try to come up with ships for the seven of us, trying desperately to figure out if there could ever be a chance of any of the seven of us dating another member. And, if I'm being completely honest, I wish there could've been a chance for that too. Every time I scrolled through twitter, I truthfully smiled every time I came across someone who'd posted something about Yoonmin. I guess, if it isn't clear by now, I actually fell for you. Fell way too deep in love with you than what I probably should have, but I couldn't help it. You're so sweet and amazing in so many ways, I just wish we could've had a chance. That I could have had a chance with you. Try to convince you to give me a chance or something, though I doubt you'd have ever wanted someone as fucked up as I've always been.

And, Jimin, please don't blame yourself for this. Don't blame yourself for my leaving. You... If anything, you're probably the reason I stayed as long as I did. Why I held on for so long. Please, Jiminie, don't give up on life. I, I understand that it might be a little hard for you (or it may not), but please keep being your strong self. Everyone adores you and loves you, and the band wouldn't be the same without you. I've always found you to be the strongest, it's just one of the many reasons I fell for you.

I, I love you, Jimin. Please stay strong for me. For the others and for the fans. For your family. They all truly love you and adore you, and you're so much more important than what I'm sure you realize.

I'm sorry for leaving you, Jiminie. I love you and goodbye.

Love,
Yoongi

"But how is the band supposed to be the same without you? How am I supposed to be the same without you? I never got to tell you that I love you too..."