Before It's Too Late | Yoonmin

Chapter 11

"Jimin, are you up yet?" I hear Namjoon ask softly from the open doorway. I purse my lips, knowing fully well that we both know the answer to that question. I hear him sigh from my lack of response, probably used to this and annoyed by it now. Though, his padded footsteps can be heard as he walks into the room, coming over and sitting down on the edge of the bed that's closest to the door, the side that I've got my back facing.

"Jiminie, it's been six months." Namjoon says softly, placing a hand on my side gently. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, not needing to be reminded. I've had nothing better to do during my days than either lay in bed up here and count the time passing by, or be down in his studio trying to write my own mini album like what he's done in the past. Sometimes I'll watch old videos of us together, I've searched through his studio and I'll listen to little recordings that he's done in the past. None of it really helps, all it does is torture me more. Make me feel like I'm not alone and that he's not gone, for only a short period of time before it comes back stronger than ever, leaving me there shattered and sobbing. The boys have given me space for the entire time now, and I'm not sure if it's their way of letting me grieve or if they're just caught up in their own pain, or if they're just afraid of confronting me at this point. Granted, either Namjoon or Jungkook comes in to check on me once a day, comes to let me know food is ready and then brings it to me when I don't go down for the meal with everyone else, but that's all the interaction I really get from them, and I don't really mind. All I really want is my Yoongi, and I don't think I'm ever getting him back.

"Jimin, you gotta get up. Living like this isn't healthy for you and hyung would want you getting up and taking care of yourself." Namjoon tries again gently, rubbing my side lightly for encouragement. It doesn't help though, it's no use for me anymore.

"I'll be fine, hyung. Just go away, please." I mumble softly, keeping my eyes screwed shut. He sighs at my lack of agreement, clearly looking for something a little better. It's not like I care though. None of it matters anymore. All that matters to me, is the one person that I'm sure the hospital is just waiting to pronounce dead.

"Jimin, we're starting practices again today. We can't keep leaving army hanging the way we have for the last six months. We released our new album and then had to postpone the tour immediately afterwards because of this. We can't keep them waiting much longer. They've waited patiently over these last few months. We have to start working again and start moving again. We're starting practices and vlives back up today. We're looking at going on tour in a month. You've gotta get up and start living again." Namjoon informs me.

I bite my lip hard, trying to control the anger that's quickly building up inside of me. I don't want to get up and leave the two rooms that have everything of what I have left of him in. I don't want to get up and starting working again, not without him. And it's complete bullshit that they want to go back to work and tour already, when they've not even called anything yet. As much as I don't believe that he's coming back, as much as I don't want to have that tiny glimmer of hope that I know will come crashing down on me, there's this tiniest piece of me that doesn't want to give up on him yet.

"Jimin, come on. Please? He wouldn't want you giving up on life like this. He wouldn't want you falling into the same rut that he did. Yoongi wouldn't-" Namjoon starts another attempt.

"Fucking stop it! Okay?! Fuck off! You have no idea how the hell I feel! You don't have a fucking clue just how fucking hard this is on me compared to the rest of you! It's fucking different for me! And you have. No! Fucking! Clue! What the hell he would or wouldn't have wanted! I can't even believe that you can even think of working or touring without him! He had fans too, you know! Army loves him too! The fact that you can even consider the idea of training and performing as six when our seventh is still in the fucking hospital and hasn't been fucking pronounced dead yet is disgusting! He'd be so fucking hurt to know you even considered that idea! So just go! Leave me the fuck alone! If you can work and train and perform without him, then you can do all of that and more without me too! I'm not doing shit with work until something happens or is announced by the doctors." I explode, sitting upright to glare at my hyung.

I can see the fact that he's completely taken aback by my outburst, but I couldn't care less. I don't care anymore. I just continue glaring at him until he finally stands with a sigh.

"Maybe you should consider doing a vlive with army and tell them what's going on. You need to talk to someone, Jimin. It's unhealthy to keep everything so bottled up like this. And, if in the case that Yoongi doesn't wake up in time to tour, army deserves to know why you're refusing to help keep them and the rest of us strong. You're not the only one hurting, Jimin." Namjoon says before exiting the room with a sigh.