Before It's Too Late | Yoonmin

Chapter 15

Curled up in his bed like always, I feel as though I've grown colder and colder as each day passes. Both emotionally and physically, as I find myself snuggling up on his bed with more and more of his prized blankets. He had started out with just one blanket when he first came, one he'd managed to buy himself with his own money specifically for coming here when he got the call that he'd made it through auditions and was placed with the trainees. Namjoon hyung had been the one to purchase the second one, having always been taken care of by the older and having wanted to give back. I actually gave him one myself, about a year after debut when things were actually starting to pick up a bit for us. The one that had been laid on his bed is actually the one I gave him all those years ago, the same blanket that he'd take with us every single time we were traveling.

Sighing to myself, I shake my head as I roll over onto my back, staring up at the ceiling with dried tears on my cheeks. Letting my eyes flutter shut, I take a few deep shaky breaths as I try not to cry for what feels like the millionth time just today alone.

I always knew I'd have to figure shit out on my own one day, that he wouldn't always be around. I never thought I'd have to be this alone so soon in life though. After all these years, I never thought I was going to be facing having to deal with losing someone who left me way too early. Someone who I knew I couldn't live without. Someone who I'm always going to regret losing. It makes me hate myself beyond comprehension. The second time in my life that I've lost someone because I wasn't there for them, because I let them down. And now, now I'll have to suffer for the rest of my life, words I always wanted to say but never did haunting my mind, haunting my every being of every second I'm awake. All those words I never said now having a tight grip on my conscience and forever reminding me of the failure that I am. Reminding me of what I could've had if maybe I had just fucking said something.

"Jimin?"

My head rolls over to the side limply as I force my eyes open, finding our maknae stood in the doorway. I don't bother speaking a word despite the small smile on his lips, merely watching as he walks inside and over to me before sitting down on the edge of the bed beside me. He reaches down and gently brushes his fingers through my hair, smile still in place.

"I saw that you got on vlive earlier, hyung. I'm really proud of you." Jungkook says softly, still continuing to run his fingers through my hair. I just sigh softly in return, pursing my lips lightly as I return my gaze back up to the ceiling, returning my head to a neutral position.

"I know that I don't really know just how hard that was for you, but I'm really proud of you. That was so strong of you to go down there and do that." Jungkook adds, still looking down at me with a small smile.

I ignore it though, keeping my gaze up on the ceiling as I feel tears slowly form and roll down the sides of my face, wishing all of this would just end already. All of the pain, all of the thoughts, all of the crying. Just, everything. I wish I could just end all of this. End my suffering. Because, no amount of laying around here and writing and recording is going to bring him back. No amount of crying and sobbing and heartache is going to change what's happened.

"Have you gone to see him yet?" Jungkook asks softly, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. Claiming my eyes faintly, I shake my head.

"I'm not in any condition to be driving, Kookie." I respond quietly, my voice not even loud enough to be considered a whisper. He smiles once more, smoothing my hair out gently.

"You want me to take you tomorrow? I can just tell Namjoon hyung that I'll be a little late. I can take you in and wait for you. Let you have some time alone with him and then drive you home before heading off to work." Jungkook offers gently, a small smile on his lips once more. I don't verbally respond, not really feeling up to it as I shrug in return. He sighs softly at my lack of words, nodding his head.

"Okay, hyung. I'll take you tomorrow. Plan to leave around ten okay? I'll let you get some sleep now. You're probably exhausted after everything today."