Monologues for Women

University

University
by Jon Jory

Character: SUSAN- a university student (late teens-early 20s), sick of the male attention she's been getting and wants to be left the alone to study.

SUSAN- No, I don't know what time it is. Furthermore, you don't care what time it is. You are bugging me because I am blonde, reasonably attractive, and sitting here alone. Know what that makes the score for today? Eight. And it's like 10 am.

A guy jogged by a minute ago and says, "Great legs." I ignore him. He jogs around the bench saying, "Great hair." "Great eyes." "Great tennis." I read. He stops, pulls my paper down with his forefinger, stares into my eyes and then calls me a tease and runs off. Fun, huh?

Coming down from the dorm this old geezer in a walker beckons me over. I think he needs help. I go. He wants to know do I get off on older men. I pick up the campus paper, this guy buying Hustler thinks it's a coincidence we can both read. Would I read with him over a cup of coffee at the Student Union? I say I've already had my coffee and he asks if, in that case, I'd like to go fool around in his apartment.

I have been whistled at, leered at and propositioned and Monday is just starting. It's like this seven days a week, and is it flattering? No. Is it titillating? No. It is a colossal, horrendous, never-ending, incredible hassle.

Now, in the words of my back-water Baptist eighty-six-year-old grannie, "Finish yer grits an' git."