Monologues for Women

Grey Matter

Grey Matter
by Josh Weckesser

Fuck off, Thomas! I'll curse as much as I goddamned want to. And right now I fucking want to. I don't give a damn what you think, Thomas. Paul's dead. He's dead, gone. Shuffled off his mortal coil, bitten the big one, kicked his boots up. He's gone off to meet his maker, if we have a maker, and Charon is taking him there.

God damn you, Paul, why didn't you see me, we - [beat] No! no, don't damn Paul. Damn God! [looking up] You hear me? Go piss on yourself! While you're at it, piss on me too. Piss me six feet under and bury me next to him! Damn you for this limp and for Cindy and for taking him away from me! I know you hear me; you hear everything. I condemn you! That's right, you bastard, with my mortality, with my humanity, I condemn you. Whatever my soul is worth I point it as a poisoned arrow at your very core. I hope you rot because of it and fall from your perfect world and bring down all of your perfect angels and your streets of gold so that they may die and be taken away from you. [beat] He was beautiful, you know that. He was too beautiful for this world. Given time he would have filled it up with his beauty and then there would have been nothing left for ugly people like me. That's why you took him, you made a mistake by putting him here. You're not infallible, not one bit and maybe my curses hurt. Damn you for letting me see his beauty before you took it away. Damn you - damn you - [SETH lets out a throaty, grief-ridden scream]

I couldn't catch him. I tried, dammit, I did. But this fucking limp. I - found his hat just lying here the other day. It was like he dropped it there for me to find. I went running all over, as much as I can say what I do is running, and I finally found him in his car driving away. I tried to catch him, but this limp. I was waving his hat and making more noise than I thought possible for anyone to make. He still drove off. This fucking limp, he'd still be alive. He died in his car. [pause] Or when he was thrown out of it or when he hit the ground or whatever. If I had stopped him at least he could have died with his hat on.