ey up chuck! of late, one has noticed a lot of non-british citizens have been like oH I WISH I WAS BRITISH
so this is me amber ((and my most fondest acquaintance zoe)) here in this moment of time, and we are gonna show you all how to be british, due to popular demand
here is your weekly routine, you must follow this:
monday: casually meet mr. bean on the streets, and get a quick selfie with him, before going to have tea with your grandmother in a vintage coffee shop in the highstreets in london. note: must be vintage, otherwise it's not british - it is american. do not forget your full english breakfast at the start of your day, nothing says "rise and shine" like clogged arteries!
tuesday: have bangers and mash with bisto gravy. eat this for breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea, dinner, dessert, and let us not forget supper. note: mash is mashed potato. we don't even know what bangers are. remember your full english again! nothing quite explains the british culture like heart failure!
wednesday: on wednesdays you must complain about all weather conditions. now, in great britain, the weather is rather crap, and so when it is raining, you must complain about that. but, ten minutes later when it is sunny again, you must also complain about that, even though you wanted it to be sunny in the first place. note: no weather condition is allowed to be an exception from your cronic complaining. once again, an english breakfast a day keeps the doctor away!
thursday: attend your five hour tutoring period with sir albert einstein. you must learn everything there is to know if you want to be british. and do not forget, one must refer to oneself as "one." note: if albert is not avaliable, you must settle for stephen hawkin. do not forget to invite your tutor for breakfast - no one can say no to a full english breakfast!
friday: on fridays, you most definitely must get shanked by at least one chav on the way to buy milk from londis. if you do not get shanked, you must return every hour for the rest of the day, until you are bleeding profoundly from your forehead. note: do not be afraid to get all up in their space, it will help them feel the need to shank you. don't forget breakfast! eggs, bacon, hash browns, calums wawa, you name it!
saturday: saturdays are the most fun if you are british. on a fine, saturday afternoon, you get to go on the zip wire with the mayor of london, Boris Johnson, with your flags. note: if you forget your flags, you will be unable to attend this event. do. not. forget. your. flags. or your full english breakfast!
sunday: today you get to wine, dine, and sixty nine with none other than the queen of england! you must start your meal with a nice breakfast platter, starter of creme of chicken, mushroom, and tomato soup. after that, your main course must be a full english roast, and for pudding, porridge with tea and scones. note: you will only be served a supper of the queen's choice if you finish your meal. the supper is usually a full english breakfast!
WELL, TOODLE PIP! X X
