Rocket Fizz

Unsaid

so quiet was the space where
we hovered, inches apart, silently
wondering when to touch.
as always,
the ropes around my wrists,
waist, throat, pulling
me back into the cold void to starve

alone, as always, the words
reaching my ears but never my heart.

at first, i did not take
the thickening air seriously;
i determined that it
was not a part of me,
that the reach was singular,
one-sided.
you would see
whatever you needed to;
whether or not it was true
was irrelevant. i,
dislocated, somewhere other
than with you.
i, clinging to my ego
like it was a dark rock jutting
out of a churning ocean.

i looked until i could no longer see you.
your eyes, the big black, dissolved
into snow, the static flashing like a screen
between us; when we turned
our heads, the layers slowly
peeled away, curling like the wings
of dead insects to the floor.
with the portals laid bare,
you thrust yourself into the pit.
like ink, i saw it racing up your arms.

i can't remember what you said to me

with the gates thrown open,
trying not to close them in your face,
choosing instead to let you see it,
like talons around our young necks.

at first, i didn't notice the single pearl that slid
from the corner of your eye—
it was marred, clouded by
my grief, so i took it back and swallowed it
like i always do. even now,
the walls remain unshaken.
i am a burden born
by too many. i cannot fill
the yoke about your shoulders with my blood.

what would i have
of you in the quiet,
the fading light, the shell
that keeps my hands
inside your hands, phased through,
wholly enmeshed?
i can fall into you
in the same way only
if you are closer, only
if you allow me
to complete the map.
the words have withered and died
within me, or are hollow, inadequate,
or have been sealed with someone else's name.
nothing is left but the skin,
the feeling, the fire inside
that does not burn.

i wanted to show you.
i am not what you see and hear.
so much more can be said in silence.

in the church, an empty field,
you press palms and knees to the ground
and kiss the dirt with passion,

and i am below you, crawling,
choking on the gravel,
splitting nails upon the roots.