Rocket Fizz

Foundation

the letters, my love, will never cease
as long as there is blood stirring in my heart.
i have wanted to put you
back together since i knew
there were pieces missing, believe me,

there was a time when i would have
replaced them with parts of myself,
& there was a time
when every breath, every movement,
every whispered word
was for you.

i still wish sometimes that i could give you all of me.

i think about how easy
it would be to press my "self"
against your body & sink
down into your chest, disappear
into you, cease to exist in the face
of your red lips & your liquid eyes & your glass skin.

the thousands of cliches that beat
in my chest are still yours;

& i'm sorry
that you are still a part of me,
that i brought myself onto you
with so much force
as to disrupt your equilibrium,
i'm sorry, so sorry
that we could not exist
in the same place because i
couldn't help but jar the frequencies,

you

making me shake, making me choke, making me
scream, disordering me to the point
of distress, & i'm still here

on your floor, the moaning of the wind
in the walls, i couldn't
rip you out of me, & believe me,

i tried, so here
i am, fighting back tears
over your ragged sharp voice tearing
at my skin, here i am to tell you
that i threw myself headfirst into the ocean
& hoped that my phone would drift out of my pocket
& carry your stones with it, but it didn't
& i didn't, & i am here,
still wishing
that i could settle, & believe me,
i would rather be dead
than cause you harm,
i would rather
erase myself from existence than see the day
when i break your still-battered, still-beating heart.