The Only Reason (5SOS)

XXIII. Battle

Twitter: @escapetomichael / Tumblr: 5sos-fan-base.tumblr.com

battle (verb): to try very hard to deal with a difficult situation

Jess's Point of View

Ashton and I were the only ones left outside. We had large garbage bags in our hands and had scooped up most of the trash around. There were so many cups, beer cans and clothes littering the grass. It looked like there were four hundred people partying instead of fourteen. I threw in the last cup I found and tied a tight knot on the bag, not wanting the contents to spill out. I caught Ashton stealing multiple glances in my direction and I didn't like it.

He wove his arms around my waist but I wasn't in the mood for anything. I carefully slid them off and placed my hand on his broad chest, "Ash, I'm going to go to sleep."

"There's space in my room," he smiled wickedly. 

Ï'm not really in the mood," I said, causing him to frown. He gave a court nod and offered to throw the bags away for me, which I gladly accepted.

I rushed into my room and realized I was completely alone. My friends were probably with the guys but I had no one to be with. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, just in case. My heart pounded in my chest as I grabbed a razor and examined it thoroughly. 

It shined in the bright bathroom light and I smiled weakly at how pretty it actually was, however, it wasn't a genuine smile. I picked up a pair of tweezers and began pulling the blade out. After succeeding, I slowly took off my shorts and sat on the edge of the bathtub. I remember the time I stopped cutting, it was after Kade ended up in prison.

My pain was now completely controlling my emotions and clouding my judgment, which led me to press the blade against my inner thigh. My hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it slid the edge along my skin, leaving a bloody mark. At first they were small cuts, a common sign of hesitation, then they became deeper and longer. I let out a shaky breath but concluded the physical pain was nowhere close to cancelling out the emotional agony. After each slice, I pressed a tissue against the wound to stop it from bleeding out too much.

I kept cutting away and weeping until I heard a knock on the door. I instantly wiped my eyes, threw the tissue away and pulled my shorts back on. I hid the razor in a used towel and headed out of the bathroom. I almost collided with Michael, who had a concerned expression dominating his features.

"I came to check up on you," he began, but before he could finish, I threw my arms around him. Mikey held me tight as I began crying into his chest and soaking his plaid shirt, which he didn't seem to mind. He stroked my head, trying to get me to stop. But it was so hard, I was crying because of the emotional and physical pain but he didn't know that.

I was afraid to mention anything to him because I didn't know how he'd react or if he'd see me in a different light. He finally let go of me and informed me we were going for a walk. I didn't refuse as I was feeling a little better with company. I was aware there were going to be questions and I was prepared to answer them, after all, I could trust Michael.

We walked down a secluded stony path which he had apparently discovered a little after we'd arrived to the mountains. The night sky was so unbelievably gorgeous that I got lost in the starts until Mikey brought me back to reality. A chilly breeze came out of nowhere and he noticed me shiver. Since he wasn't wearing a jacket, he couldn't give me one; instead, he wrapped a hand around my waist and pulled me closer.

"What Luke did," he began but contemplated on how he was going to continue, "Was a dick move."

I nodded shyly and made a point of saying, "I really care about him, Michael."