*Discontinued* Masquerade~Haitus (Needs Rewritting)

8. Virgil

I am such an ass.

I am such an idiot.

Pathetic...

Worthless...

A total moron...

Princy he... I was so fucking pathetic that the prince himself had to dirty his hands just to help me. God if I stained his pristine white shirt with my pitiful tears and paltry makeup... And forget paying for it. He's a prince. I'm just... me. How the hell am I going to afford it?

He's probably out there all pissed off. What is wrong with me? I told Ro... I told him that's all I do. Thomas told me he wanted us to stop fighting. He said he wanted me to be able to rely on the Prince. That we were supposed to work together. Patton said he hated seeing his sons fighting. He said it hurt him. That I... I hurt him because I just can't seem to get along with Roman. He wasn't even saying anything new. He honestly didn't even say anything at all. Sure the question was suggestive but... He never actually flat out called me worthless or bad. He just asked what I did. I had to make it worse. I had to start a fight. I have to fuck up everything.

"Virgil..." I covered my ears trying to drown out the sound as my body continued to shake. I saw as light crept in as the door opened and I frowned. "Fuck..." I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and I latched on to them tightly, crying into there shirt. "Don't listen to what your thoughts are saying. Just focus on your breathing ok?" I held them tighter and felt as they sighed. "Focus Virgil. Tune it all out and focus. In for four... Hold for seven... Out for eight."

In for four...

Hold for seven...

And out for eight...

I slowly pulled away to see Cassidy and I smiled. He brushed the hair out of my eyes and smiled back. I wiped the tears away as he got up and grabbed this tray of food, handing it over to me. I noticed right away it was a bit worse for wear.

"Well, uh... This has seen better days." I said while laughing. I just wanted to forget that attack ever happened... mainly because I know I'll just end up going right back into it if I think about it again. I mean, seriously what the... No, don't drag yourself down again. Caz shouldn't have to keep pulling you out.

"Yeah, well... I may or may not have upset Patton." I just stared at him wide-eyed as he laughed slightly embarrassed. "Roman... I, uh... I was on my best behavior." My eyes darkened and I looked down at the food. I wasn't hungry. I was tired. I didn't want to eat. I wasn't to sleep. But my mind won't let me sleep. I can't... "So Video... today... maybe? You have a part to play?"

"No." He narrowed his eyes and I frowned. I know he wasn't really asking. "Who told you this?"

"Logan? He seemed... I don't know. Crestfallen? He told me to tell you but... I..." I sighed as started to move my food around the plate. So they were all there. I'm glad I didn't go myself then. Especially if Princy was there. "Virgil."

"I don't want to go." Caz frowned as I just stared at the plate not bothering to look up at him. "I don't want to leave my room. I don't want to eat. I don't was to socialize. I just... I just want to sleep."

"That's all you've been doing. Sleeping and crying... Maybe you should talk to someone? Someone who can actually give you honest feedback." Sleeping... Ha! I haven't been sleeping. Just laying in silence listening to the constant ramblings of my own mind.

"Caz..." He shook his head and I sighed. "I can't talk to anyone else. Every time I tried I... panicked."

"What about that one guy at the party?" I shot him this confused look and he shrugged. "I don't know... You said he helped you I just thought..."

"Well, yeah he helped. He actually helped a lot but Caz... He was wearing a mask." He raised an eyebrow at him and I just laughed rolling my eyes. "Meaning I don't know who he is. So I can't exactly run to him and say I need to talk."

"Why don't you just ask people? He knew it was you, right? So if you ask..." I shook my head and he froze.

"I don't want to know who he was." His eyes narrowed and I smiled sadly. "He was nice. But he was trouble to... Which made it better for me because I didn't feel alone but... I don't know. I'm afraid." His eyes softened as I slowly set the tray on the table without eating. "I'm afraid once I know who it is... the nice man will just... disappear." I felt that familiar pull and I sighed looking over at Caz with a smile. "Guess they started recording."

"Do you remember your lines?" I nodded and hugged myself tightly.

"I memorize them you know that. But I don't want..."

"Go Virge. I might be waiting when you get back." He smiled brightly as I nodded. I took a deep breath and plunged into the madness.

"This is all pointless!"