Reversed

xv. fifteen

The rap of knuckles against stone woke Sophie up in the morning. She didn't know how long she had been asleep. She was partially thankful for the dark walls of the room because they provided a night-like illusion, but the other half of her kicked herself for sleeping for so long. 

She didn't know why she had succumbed to exhaustion so easily. She has aced the sleep training the Neverseen had given—she could stay awake for 93 hours straight, which had set a record among the Neverseen. 

Now that she thought about it, Sophie couldn't remember anything after transmitting to Ruy when she tried to run away. She didn't recall how she had gotten back on the cot, or why she wasn't hungry anymore. She puzzled over it, but continuously came up empty handed. 

After she fought through the grogginess, Sophie realized why she had been woken up and snapped her head towards the door and the figure standing within its frame. Livvy was watching her with intrigue. 

Sophie slowly sat up, expecting to fight against restraints around her wrists and ankles. But... there were none. Someone must have neglected to retie her after her failed escape. 

Sophie sat up faster and examined her hands and legs better, making sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

They weren't.

Sophie looked over to Livvy. "Why..." Was that her voice? It was so hoarse. Sophie cleared her throat. "Why didn't you tie me up?" she asked suspiciously.

Livvy closed the door behind her. "Keefe convinced us to not restrain you. I wouldn't suggest disappointing him."

Keefe? Had he been the person to bring her back after she tried to run away? Sophie combed through her recent memories, but still couldn't recall anything about how she got back into the room.

Ruy had taught her was that she should regularly go through her recent memories to make sure that she didn't have any holes in them. He had drilled it into her brain so much that it had practically become a second nature for Sophie.

He had told her, "The Black Swan, unfortunately, know your mind. They know how it works, they know how to get into it, and now that you're on our side, they will try to use anything and everything they can come up with to get back at you. Tell me immediately if you ever think that there are holes in your memories."

"Besides the holes from the memories the Black Swan took and never returned?" Sophie had asked. "The ones from before, I mean."

"Yes," Ruy had said. "Only recent missing memories."

Well, that was happening to Sophie right now. She had holes in her recent memories, and Ruy was nowhere near for her to tell.

Which meant Sophie had no idea what to do or what the missing memories meant. She didn't even know if she should start panicking or not. 

"Sophie..." Livvy started again. "I stayed up all night improving the human medicine cure." Now that Sophie looked harder, she could see slightly dark circles under the physic's eyes.

Sophie snorted. "What do you expect from me? A sorry for your wasted night of rest?"

Livvy sighed. "No." She reached into her white lab cloak she had probably not taken off since the day before and pulled out a vial.

"The human antidote, perfectly safe."

Sophie raised an eyebrow, and a smirk of amusement danced across her lips. "Perfectly safe? Have you tested it out?" she didn't even need an answer. The way Livvy pursed her lips was more than enough. "I didn't think so." Sophie scooted to the other end of the cot, away from Livvy. And the vial. She was getting sick of seeing vials.

Sophie briefly considered just giving in and taking whatever the death medicine due to sheer exasperation towards being asked to take it so many times. 

Livvy clutched the vial tighter and narrowed her eyes. "The medicine worked last time, didn't it? There were only a few side effects, and we almost lost you. I've re-engineered it to be safer, more sufficient, and less painful, all in a single night. These old men had no idea what they were doing." She offered a grin Sophie didn't return. 

She rubbed the scar she still bore on her hand. "I'm not going to be your guinea pig."

Livvy sighed. "So you're telling me you don't want to at least see if you have any missing memories?"

Missing memories. Wasn't Sophie just thinking about that?

Sophie's brow creased. Wasn't she just thinking about holes in her memories?

...Right?

She remembered something about missing memories... but when?

Sophie concentrated and thought back to before she woke up, but she couldn't remember anything about how she had gotten here. All she remembered was waking up in the Black Swan's cave hideout and registering Dex's tech handcuffs.

What had happened after that?

The harder Sophie thought, the more times she came up empty. It was like reaching into a fish bowl, trying to catch a fish that you knew should be there, but when you pulled your hand up all you saw was slippery water dripping off it.

Missing memories. Sophie had missing memories. The reality of it washed over her like a bucket of ice water. 

How many were gone, how they had been taken, and who did it, she didn't know, but she wanted them back. What if the Black Swan had done something to her while she was asleep?

She'd have no way of knowing.

Was she going to keep losing her memories? Already the memory of waking up for the first time in the cave was fading slowly; it was growing hazy around the edges. Sophie tried to mentally grasp onto it, but she felt it keep fading.

Sophie's eyes darted around the room in panic. She had the sudden urge to write down everything she was thinking so there would be a record of it. Was the strand of thoughts she was thinking right now going to disappear soon?

The thought scared Sophie.

It scared her more than images of needles filled with untested, tampered human medicine sinking into her flesh, more than the thought of taking poisonous liquids the Black Swan had concocted and putting her life into their hands while she died. 

So that was why she choked out, "I'll think about it," to Livvy, and shot a half-hearted glare at her to cut off anything she was about to say and urge her to leave the room.

When Livvy closed the door behind her, Sophie sank back onto the bed and squeezed her eyes shut.

Sophie couldn't believe she was doing this.

This being thinking about taking the Black Swan's memory elixir.