I Am Me (Book One): Weakness

Chapter 5: Your Analysis

Isaiah's POV

'Say something. Please.' I think to myself. In Alpha Nero's office, he stares at me thoughtfully after I explained what had happened. The doctor luckily was there with him and he respected my wish to only let the doctor say. I feel bad about interrupting his meeting with his Betas. In our pack, we don't have pack meetings with entire pack unless the decision involves the entire pack. Things like construction are done by the owner of what will be the property and the lead Beta on the project. Trials involving the alpha are discussed with lawyer Beta and so on. Our town is small and stable. So we have that luxury to minimize pack involvement beyond what they wish to do. I'm getting off-track. So, the Alpha and the Beta Doc has said nothing as of now and it's killing me.

"Honestly, son. I don't know what to tell you", he says after agonizing minutes of dead silence. Why did I think he would know what to do again? "I am not gonna lie. I am actually glad this happened". Pardon?

"Isaiah, your father has expressed...worry in the past about you and your wolf. You are unique in how sensitive and in-tune with your wolf that you are. But because your wolf has stayed silent for so long and because of your lack of socialization amongst the pack, beyond maybe projects that require the entire pack to chip in on, he was worried that you were right in regards to your capability of becoming Alpha", the doc explains with a professional expression. God damn, what does this freak out have to do with my ability to be Pack Alpha? Shouldn't this lack of self-control only propagate even more the fact that I am unworthy of being Alpha?

As if reading my thoughts, and I wouldn't be surprised if he did through our wolf links, Aloha Nero continues, "From your description of how your classmates and your mate especially reacted to your wolf, it's quite obvious that even though they don't recognize it, their instincts recognize who the Alpha heir is. It may not sound like it makes sense, but you teens weren't so simple to understand to begin with, no matter how hard we parents try".

"Beta Doc?", I say towards the pack doctor.

 "Terrence", he corrects.

"Doctor Terrence. How could the kids not recognize me but they instinctively know? It makes no sense", I ask. Cause it doesn't, in fact. 

"There is a lot we don't know about our shifter nature Isaiah, but from what we know, or wolves instinctively can recognize a rightful dominant of the territory. By your blood, until you are disgraced in front of the entire pack in a challenge for your authority, any wolf near you will have some inkling that you are no run-of-the-mill wolf. Exercise your alpha abilities and they will realize who their alpha to be is", the doc explains. That doesn't sound like something I'd want, but it felt right to get everyone in line. I don't like how threatening I was, how out-of-control I was becoming, but the fact that they listened? It feels good.

"Obviously, you will need to learn to control your wolf. This out-is-control behavior is a combination of your mate finding happiness with someone in a romantic way and the fact that your wolf has neglected its right of freedom. That is a result of your fear ever since you were Isaiah. Doctor Terrence made it clear that because you're not used to your wolf, because you lack discipline, your wolf will act out because it doesn't know better. Luckily, you aren't a child, so neither is your wolf to an extent. Your wolf is still considered a pup and will look as such like all teenage wolves. But your sensitive connection will make communication between you and your wolf easier in grasping concepts, since it seems to be articulate in its wishes", replies my father. Really?

"Articulate?", I ask dumbly. 'He just said it, idiot', I think to myself........wait, that wasn't me. 'Yes, it was. I am you and I have let you stay in the drivers seat too long. We should be better. We will be better. I will get everyone to recognize us. No more childish denials of what we need to do. Our pack needs us, it needs me!' Rude. We aren't alpha material. We look and act nothing like an alpha. That mutts crazy if he thinks he is gonna start dictating my life. 'It's not your life stupid! It's our life! We are the same person. What I want is what you want. What I feel is what you feel. And right now, you are a failure in my eyes". Oh god, will just shut u- 'No. I'm saying exactly what you already think to yourself deep down. I am stuck in your head, keeping the thoughts that feel and it's not helping us in the slightest. It's not helping me in any way. When I say I. I mean we, because you are gonna make an effort'. I want the right to choose though. To pick what I want to be, to be recognized for what I choose to do. 'You have been! Your whole life you have been the one making decisions! And you still will be choosing to do something whether you accept your fate or not. And we both know that for the good of our family and the stability of this pack, we owe both at least the common decency to try it  before we even consider stepping down from our alpha right'......He's right.

"-aiah! Isaiah!!"

Yikes! Looks like I spaced out there talking to my wolf. It feels nice honestly, like a whole part of my being has been reclaimed. "Yes, father? Sorry, I was-"

"Talking to your wolf. It seems you have already begun the process of controlling your wolf and helping it understand its limitations in what you should do is the first-", the Doc goes on to explain before I cut him off with a revelation that astonishes both men.

"My wolf knows it's limitations. It has been watching my wolf life and it let me tale the lead that whole time. It's need to hide wasn't instinctive, it was a decision it made", I explain.

".... Fascinating. Are theory turned out correct then. His connection to his wolf is what gives him easier understanding. I am hoping with this understanding, you two will coordinate as one entity, making the right decisions together. Possibly in ways that could be compared to a Beta", says Doctor Terrence. Wow, that is a big deal. Betas are usually considered the ones most in-time with their wolves because they are always communicating with them. So wrapped in their thoughts and coming to the same conclusion to act as a unit. Maybe I could be a Beta? 'Oh no you don't!' growls my wolf. Jeez, can't I take a joke. 'I can and I am realizing how unfunny I am". Rude.