Chapter 10: Your Resolve

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Mark's POV

Oh boy. There he is. At the lunch table. I just need to go over, ask for him to come with me for a word, and let him down gently before reciting the rejection oath. 'Please don't do this. He never did us any wrong. He's perfect! Just look at him! Anyone can tell how angelic he is". No, I gotta do this. I meant what I thought when I decided I didn't want my mate. Fate had in store for me what I suspect is a dominant by the looks of his wolf and I will not stand to be ruled by him, no matter how pretty he is. We will reject each other, go our separate ways and we will meet a lovely  Omega or Beta or whoever to fit our image. 

'This plan sucks. I want out!' You're stuck with me I'm afraid. Now hush, I am going over. 'DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT' 

I ignore my wolf's chants by tampering down our connection to quiet him. He will get over it. Maybe he will even thank me. First things first, getting him to come. Easy-peasy.

"Hi", I say cooly. So far so good. "Can you come with me for a sec?"

He isn't eating with anyone, but I'd rather go where there are less eavesdroppers. Luckily, he agrees no questions asked. I really am sorry I will have to be doing this, but it's for the best. 'Keep telling yourself that. Maybe it won't be a total lie.' You know what?!

"Mark?", he asks. We are in the empty halls. I suppose this is as good a place as any. "Uh, Yeah. So...I, um, I-I asked you here to tell you that I don't think we should be mates. I'm sorry, but I-I don't see this going anywhere. Your a Beta and I am a Gamma and..."

"And?", he urges me to continue with the question. Come on loser. Just do it. Like ripping off a band-aid!

"Look, it's not you, it's me!" He cringes. Yeah, I'm not too proud of it either. "What I mean is...We are so close to graduation an-and we have our whole lives ahead of us, so" , I swallow. "So...."

"Ugh, please stop. I can't take anymore of this pain!" I wince at the exclamation. "No, not in that way! I mean, yeah it hurts, but not as much as it would be to let you try to figure out how to get through this break up speech! Let's just recite the thing or whatever! Go on, start".

"Uh, you mean, you're not gonna go first?" I ask unsurely.

"Nnooo? I'm pretty sure I am not the one who wants this. Once your half breaks me, I will be able to finish my half", he says. Crap, he is not making this easy and he doesn't even realize it. Well, I deserve this if this is what I really want. No! It is what I want!

"I, Mark A. Romane...", I swallow nervously, "reject Isaiah....Isaiah..."

"Isaiah O. Lovelock", he answers my unanswered question.

"Right, right. Ahem. I, Marcus A. Romane, reject Isaiah O. Lovelock as my True Mate. I break the bonds that hold us in our union, so that we may go about in peace without the other", I finish with a shaky breath. Thank god that's over. My wolf is whimpering, but I try my best to keep him under control, so as to not howl in our wolf connection. His turn....

With a sigh, he begins, "~I, Isaiah O. Lovelock..." Holy crap. His wolf is synchronizing with his words. He's comforting the poor boy, being his strength through something he doesn't even want to begin with. 'No, stop, you don't have to keep going!', I think to myself. I know it's me because I am using the jaws of life to clamp my wolf down deep.

"....accept Marcus A. Romane's rejection as True Mates...." Oh god. I can't take this, but I gotta. No matter how much it hurts I've gotta. For-for...why the fuck am I doing this?! I can't remember. I don't care, but I gotta...no, don't got do anything! This absurd, I'm losing the best thing that's happened to me in a long while willingly. Why am I being a stubborn fool!

"....May he prosper in life and love, with whoever he deems fits to be his mate...." Oh god, the hardest part. The segment of truth, where they recite their feelings about this, whether they are angry inside or sad. Oh god here it comes. "And may I not go about embittered and hopeful that things will go back to as I envisioned it could be.~" That. Broke me. It's a blur, but what little I do remember, is a lot of pain. A lot of running, shouting, and so much howling. Whoever came up with that last part of the recipient speech is a petty, petty bastard, who made it just to spite and guilt trip the other party for trying to live out their lives how they see fit. 

I want to go back, I need to go back. I can't feel my wolf. I can't feel anything. It's all numbed. It's all torn and ugly inside. But this feeling, it's temporary. It's gotta be. Otherwise, that speech couldn't have existed to begin with...right?

I don't know. And for now I don't care. For the rest of my high school years, it all blends together. A jumbled mess. I couldn't remember what happened to my friends, what happened toKateina, what happened to my love. It's just, one moment, I'm there in that hallway, hurting and bleeding from the inside. The next, I am in my apartment, seven years later.....

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