I Am Me (Book One): Weakness

Chapter 14: Your Start

Mark's POV

The forest has always been my haven ever since I could shift. So, it's of no surprise that my wolf persuaded me to take border patrol. It's a little boring at times, but a necessity. My wolf was my coach throughout the three days I was learning how to patrol the borders and inside the Pack. Granted, we now had way more help than we did before, but it's not the cue to become complacent. Though we don't have any notable enemies that comes around these parts, that can change any day. From human hunters going on for sport, or Rogue wolf gone feral, it is all the same goal. Protect the path. Thankfully, if you are alert, you could take breaks for relaxation. Granted, we must still be on alert, but enjoying the scenery around you is no crime or doing a little hunting for a snack. Not entirely how I envisioned boarder patrol, but it is pretty nice to use what training I've received to defend the pack. 

The Pack, to my surprise, has been nothing but supportive of me. They treat me as I wish to be, with exception of those assholes, but they are a real small group compared to the silent majority of Bradley's pack. True, they still seem to try to keep my attention, but they are absolutely polite in their advances. Holding doors, asking for permission to sit with me, offering their jacket, the whole chivalry deal. I'm no woman, but I was instilled manners and even if it is to get me to agree to a date I'm not interested in, I can appreciate the effort. Reminds me of that one girl I went on a date with, back in high school. A total feminist in the worst way. Taking every move I make to be polite as a challenge to her capabilities, only to be annoyed when I simply paying attention to her rant on feminism and whatever crap I can't remember. It might seem a little petty, but after getting chewed out for giving simple compliments, you just want to go home and just snuggle with your two best friends. Sofia the Sofa and her friend, Telly. So, I choose to appreciate their efforts to be gentlemen. I'd certainly be no different with any date, especially....

"Mark! You told me you wouldn't start it without me!", Isaiah yells rushing into the room with a bowl in his hands. Movie night! A necessary tradition for the bonding between 'bros'. It right now, I'm in my jammies waiting for this guy to bring me my popcorn. As he watches the movie, I slowly and sneakily pull the popcorn bowl over to me. I almost snicker because of how focused he is on the screen. When I feel it's clear, I snatch it and hide it on the side of the couch. "Very funny, put it back, mutt", he says without taking his eyes off the screen. Spoiled sport.

"So.....How is it like to be alpha?", I ask him in effort to break the tension that is in the air. Or I think it's tension. I am not entirely sure. It could be just my nerves, but I know I should connect a bit with the guy I live with. Right? 

"It's good. Not entirely easy, but I've got the hang of it. I'd probably be better at it had I spent more time learning my entire life, rather than sitting back looking for a way out", he says with a slight hint of sadness that you'd swear wasn't there if you weren't looking for it. "I always imagine that if there were to come a day where someone challenges my right to be alpha, I'd probably concede, not just for my life, but for the better of the pack. That is, if said challenger were noble enough."

"Hey, look at me. Come on, look! Straight into my eyes", I urge. "I want you to pay close attention. You. Are. Doing a fantastic job as Alpha. Not only do I thinks so, but so does Brad Pitts evil twin." He slaps my arm lightly as he chuckles a bit. If the sarcasm doesn't tip you off, I don't like the guy. His earnestness probably pisses me off more than would it have been if he were a liar or a grade-A jerk. 

"Thanks, but I think we both know that if it ever came to protecting the pack, I'd be near useless. Its why Alphas must stay all big and intimidating", he says. It's easy to see why he's think that way considering all the great alphas we know we're strong in both body and mind. Hell, even the evil alphas of our history have been pictured as beautiful in body. Not in soul, but definitely body. Still, that doesn't have to be Isaiah. He's perfect as an alpha, for what he really is worth is his mind and connection to not just his wolf, but all of our wolves.

"You shouldn't worry so much about that. You're not doing this alone and you have all the important necessities that an alpha has. That is your noggin up here, where you connect with all of us. Be kind to yourself, the pack is prospering because of your leadership. Everyone loves you", I say, thinking to myself that I am purposefully including myself in the declaration without saying as much. 

Ever since I tried to reintegrate myself into my new life, my wolf has started to synch up with my mind, bringing all the experience and memories to fill in the gaps missing from my life. In those memories, I've seen my all-time lows where I have been majorly depressed. I didn't even realize how sad I was, but the stress of hiding from my friends and extended family has led me down a dark path that I didn't realize I was walking in. I wasn't changing to fit what I believe I am. I was changing because I wanted to be something I felt would bring less hardship and less hatred for who I am. Yeah, it had gone as far as hating myself and my wolf felt the same way when it threw its fit in the hallway. I'm so lucky though to have it do the work that I was too afraid to go through with.

Then there are the weird, like Isaiah walking me in wolf form. Thank god. The Leah's became a necessity when everyone realized that my wolf had no sense of direction. Isaiah reassures my wolf that it happened to him once when he was five, so I wasn't alone. Isaiah. The one who'd coming running for me whenever I couldn't go on. The one who showed affection that my wolf craved. And because my wolf was a reckless beast, he picked up the slack that was  left from my dear wolf. It's messes, it's mood swings, it's instincts, and it's discipline, he handled it all with great amounts of patience. We were comfortable, cuddly, and even romantic.

In those romantic memories, my wolf naturally took a submissive role that, I gotta be honest, made my hairs stand in frustration and maybe a little fury, but the love that came with the offer of vulnerability was so pleasant, from stroking my skin or fur to kissing me on the lips, it drove my wolf wild for more. Building up up so that it overflows and...

"Mark?", he calls to me. I snap out of my daze. Gotta pick a time and place for deep thought.

"I'm sorry, I'm, what was that?", I asked in hopes he'd avoid what I was thinking so hard on. 

"Bed......um, good-night", he said before slipping down the hall to his room. I could date anyone I'd like, I have thought about continuing what I started before, but seeing just how good Isaiah and my wild made things for me, I'm ready to stop holding back. I accept my mate. I just hope he accepts me. I god will he?.....Maybe this could work. Gotta try.

Getting up, I walk over to my wolfs play corner and grab collar from there. Here goes nothin'. With that thought, I clasp the collar around my neck. It's not to bulky, not at all extravagant. Just a simply red leather collar with my name and Isaiah's info on the tag. Walking down the hall, I can't help but be a little embarrassed with how kinky this comes off, but I want to make a point of who I belonged to. I was stupid last time to not give us a chance and I won't give up now. I walk up to the room and slowly open the door to maybe get a few moments to prepare, myself mentally, but as it nearly is almost open, it starts creak, alerting him of my presence. 

"Hey, is something wrong?" I stare at him in silence. Come on, you can do this. "Why are you wearing that collar?" He asks finally noticing the material around my next. It's now or never. I'd never do this for anyone back then, but after what I witnessed from my memories, well, I realized that that is an outdated way of thinking. There is one person I would do this for. One Is happily do this for. "Mark? What are-" I'm on all fours and I'm crawling slowly but purposefully over to the bed, never taking my eyes off him. "Mark...."

"Alpha? Please take me. Please." I say, not to the human holding back, but the wolf struggling to break free ever since I opened the door. "I need you Alpha. I love you, Alpha. I don't want to wait to be mates. Please,take what's yours, so that I can have what's mine. Please."