The Search

Chapter 9

I don't care

Yes, you do.

No I don't. I can't. I won't.

I have been having fights like this with myself all the time since I figured out that I liked Eli. I know I can't. My father has to approve of my choice. It's not just his rules. It's law. The law is that one of your parents has to approve of your spouse. He doesn't.

I have to move on.

I almost forgot. Today I have my lessons with Thomas.

He walks in with a certain swagger about him. He smelled of ladies' perfume. This causes a little snicker on my part. He's also humming.  

"You're certainly happy today aren't you, Thomas?" I ask, curious.

"I'm over the moon!" he says. "I couldn't possibly be happier! Not even in my wildest dreams!"

"Why?" I question. I realize that might be a tad intrusive. What my tutor does in his spare time isn't any of my business. "If I may ask."

"It's fine, Aira!" Thomas explained. "I've found the love my life!"

He proclaims this with so much certainty that I jump up and celebrate.

But I forget something...

"Aren't you already married?" I ask. Goodness, I'm being nosy. What ever happened to whatever he does is his business?

He sighs. "Yes."

"But that's-"  I say.

"Cheating." Thomas finishes, his head hung low. "I know."

I look at him. Tears dwell in his eyes. Some for sadness and some for shame. He does feel regretful. Those tears remind him of what he has done. But you cannot help affairs of the heart no matter how hard you try. However shameful they are.

"And the worst part is," he explains. "I didn't even love my wife in the first place."

He continues after a pregnant pause, "I just married her because it was my nineteenth birthday. I have paid for it dearly. Promise me, Aira you'll find a good husband in time."

I nod.

If I don't marry Eli, then this might be me. I might be like Thomas. With so much longing and love bottled up in my heart but not for the man I marry. I might do something heinous .

"To clarify," he states. "I only talk to her. But it's too long and all too short at the same time. And her name is the loveliest in the universe, Clarissa."

He looks out the window with a sigh.

"Enough is enough!" he mutters.

I look at him bewildered.

"Aira?" he says. "I know what I must do now. I must cut ties with her. I love her with my entire soul. When I talk to her, each fiber of my very being is shaken and needs her to go on. You know that her voice is the most beautiful in the universe. "

He shakes his head and focuses.

"It will be done!" Thomas proclaims. "The next time I see her. It will all be finished. It will be the hardest thing I will ever do but the guilt is eating me alive and chewing me out. At least I can say goodbye."  

I must do this too! I will sever ties with him! I can be happy again! It must be done.

"Now," he says. "It's time for math."