Chapter 11

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What have I done?

There was so much there. But I had to destroy it. Rivalries stay and lovegoes out the window. It's been a month and all I want is to hear his voice again. Sometimes, I forget how it sounds.

This is what I wanted. I don't want it now.

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"Aira!" Maribel exclaims.

"Yes?" I ask.

"You've seemed pretty down lately, what's wrong?" she states.

Maribel has been trying this over and over again since the day after I stopped talking to Eli. It goes the same everytime.

"Nothing's wrong!" I reply.

"I know you, Aira, and something's wrong," Maribel says.

Then I say everything is great. Joke around a bit and soon, I'm in the clear.

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I've decided to write a letter to Eli. I will never send it but maybe it will make me feel better. Safie does this. She says it helps.

Here it goes...

Dear Eli,

        I miss you. I miss you so very much. I miss you in every way possible. I miss you with all of my heart. I miss you so much it hurts. It's like how the French say "I miss you."  The direct translation is "You are missing from me." This is how I feel. I feel as if all of me has been ripped away.

        I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for not talking to you. It was a mistake. It is a mistake. Everything I said to you that day, I wish I could take it all back. I know I can't.

        I want to see you again. I want to see the ocean in your eyes again. The blue that was so perfect. The blue that relaxed me. The blue that was my rock, that I leaned back on,made me feel sercure. I want to hear the sound of your voice again. The music of a full piece orchestra couldn't compare to the music in your voice.

        Eli- I didn't want to hurt you but I did. I'll be sorry forever.

        Love,

        Aira 

I read it. Then I tear it in half. I don't want anyone to see it.

I feel slightly better.

When I look out my window, I see a single star. It stands out among the dark inky blue-black of the sky. This star is the first of the night.

        "Starlight, star bright," I start the chant and don't take a breath until I finish it.

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