Rylee Girl

I Know

"I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had." – The Wonder Years

I woke up the next morning to my mom and her new beau Larry coming in the front door. I was still on the couch in a half-awake half-asleep state.

"Oh! Sorry to wake you sweetie." My mom said when she saw me. "Why don't you go sleep in your room?" She asked me.

"Mmm" I groaned.

"Okay... well we haven't been to bed yet... So... we're going to go lay down." She giggled.

"Mmhmm" I mumbled again. I rolled over and looked at my phone. 7:30. Ben's been at work for an hour now. Anyone who was at the bonfire last night could've already come in and told him everything. I didn't have any missed texts or phone calls though. Yet.

I laid back down and the next thing I knew I was being woken up again but this time by my phone ringing. "Take Me There" by Rascal Flats was playing. Ben's ringtone. I looked at the time and it was noon. Panic immediately set in and my heart raced.

"Uh. HmHmm" I cleared my throat. "Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Are you home?" Benjamin roared.

"Umm... Yeah." I answered.

"I'm coming over. We need to talk." He said sternly then hung up.

"Is your mom home?" Ben asked angrily as soon as I opened the door.

"Yeah..." I replied.

"Come outside then... Please." He demanded politely.

"Okay..." I replied my heart pounding as I stepped outside and shut the door behind me. We stood on the steps of the porch and both lit a cigarette.

"I... I don't even know where to begin" He said.

I looked at him puzzled as if I had no idea what he could have meant.

"Don't. Don't do that Rylee. Don't fucking look at me like I'm crazy. You know what I'm talking about." He raised his voice. He's never raised his voice at me before and it caught me off guard.

"I.." I started to say.

"No. You don't get to talk. I know about everything Rylee. I know about last night..." He began, pausing to look at me like I'd reached into his chest and squeezed his heart into oblivion, then he looked away and shook his head.

"I also know you lied to me about when you slept with your ex. And I know you lied about Amy's Facebook post about that guy who dropped you off the morning I brought you breakfast since you slept with him too..." He paused to take a breath and then continued "and I know about when that douchebag from last night's girlfriend walked in on you when you were fucking him at a party... I don't understand Rylee. Is this why you didn't want to be my girlfriend? I.." He stopped talking and shook his head again. "I don't understand... You can sleep with all these fucking random dudes, but you turn me down? The one guy who actually cares for you?? I don't... I don't know..." He finished looking far away.

"I'm..." I said before he cut me off again.

"I came back. At the fourth of July festival. I came back! I comforted you! I thought you didn't deserve what she did, when obviously you got exactly what you deserved. I feel like a fucking idiot." He said sourly.

"Can I talk now?" I said quickly before he could interrupt me again.

He took a deep breath looked at me and said "yeah". I took a long drag of my cigarette not even knowing what I was going to say.