do I really hate you? || Max and Harvey Mills

eighteen

a s h p o v

8:10am
the harsh light literally burns my eyes as it floods through my window, i quickly pull my blanket over my head and cuddle one of my pillows and let myself fall back asleep in hopes of getting rid of this killer headache.

11:45am
i cuddle into my pillow more and more letting myself enjoy this sleep in, ignoring the constant pounding going on in my head. i quickly open my eyes when i realise my 'pillow' isn't a pillow at all. it's max. i look around 'my' room slowly realising it's max's. max is awake and on his phone once he realises i'm awake he turns it off and looks at me.

"are you feeling any better ash?" his eyes covered in worry.

"yeah i think so" i reply "i'm just confused, why am i at your house. i remember going to the party, hanging out with erin and then that's it. what happened?" i say sitting up rubbing my eyes.

m a x p o v

ash wakes up completely clueless of all the events of last night and i can't help but feel bad and feel as though it's all my fault but then again it's also erin's, i can't believe i let ash go off with her.

"well when we got to the party we bumped into erin then you guys went off and she wouldn't let me go with. you guys became like best friends, and then you got drunk like super drunk, and did some things that you wouldn't normally do, and everyone recorded it and, it's all over social media, and it's all erin's fault, and i'm sorry ash. i should've looked after you better. i'm so stupid. we should've just stayed home." i quickly begin to ramble as i regret taking ash to the party.

"max, breathe, i'm sure it's not that bad. plus erin couldn't have meant it she probably just lost count of how much we drank" is ash sticking up for erin what-

"but it was her fault she wasn't even drunk or was her friends, it was just you." ash looked upset.

"max it's fine. where's my phone?" i give her, her phone and watch as she goes through snapchat and instagram.

a s h p o v

i scroll through everything and it's bad, very bad. all the hate i'm getting, all the girls from school slut shaming me, all the boys trying to take advantage. it reminds me of when everything was bad.

i let my eyes shut slowly only letting one tear fall.

"u-uh max.. i got to go. i'll- i'll see you later." i basically run out of max's room and down the stairs avoiding bumping into any of his family.

"good morning dear" i hear sara's voice from behind me, i quickly wipe away my tears and turn around.

"m-morning sara" i manage to choke out.

"oh honey what's wrong?" the concern dripping from her voice.

"i'm fine" i push out a fake smile. "everything's fine i just need to get home tj needs me.

"ash i just spoke to your brother he said you could stay for another night if you wanted. what's really wrong you know you can tell me" she takes my hand and leads me to the lounge room.

"it's just i-i did something stupid and and people are commenting about it and n-none of it's nice." i sniffle as the tears i've been holding back escape and stream down my face.

"awh dear i'm so sorry. people are like that though, very rude and inconsiderate but you know you can always talk to me and max will always make time for you no matter what. he loves you very dearly and he'll never listen to what others say about you and if others can't see what him and i see then they don't deserve to be your friend anyway" she wipes away my tears with the pad of her thumb.

"thank you sara, for everything, for being like the mum i don have" i hug her tightly then pull away. "i-i'm going to go home anyway, i think it's best i'm alone for a while" i force a smile.

"okay honey, you know where i am if you need me" with that i quickly get up and get out of their house before breaking down again. i open my phone and read more, making myself worse.

3:37pm

i stare at mine and max's messages, i've been ignoring him all day as i've been thinking. this fake relationship isn't benefiting either of us plus we're both getting hate for being together from his fans, even though we haven't even confirmed it.

bestest friend🤪:
12:00pm
ash r u okay?
why'd u run out?
mum said to leave u alone for awhile
1:03pm
ash please tell me what's going on..
i'm worried abt u
please just message me back
2:59pm
okay i get it u don't wanna talk to me
i understand just know i'm sorry
princess😍:
max i think it's time we 'broke up'.
thank you for playing along.
it's just it's pointless.
it's not helping either of us.
nor do we actually like each other.
plus harvey doesn't care anyway.
bestest friend🤪:
r u sure?
princess😍:
yes..
bestest friend🤪:
what's our story going to be?
princess😍:
you can choose just let me know
bestest friend🤪:
u decided it would be better if we were just best friends?
princess😍:
okay
do me a favour? tell harv the truth
no one else tho..
bestest friend🤪:
k

m a x   p o v

wow it's over.. i mean i know it was fake but for me some of it felt so real.

little bro:
harvey, ash and i were never together
we just pretended to be because she asked me to go along with it
the worse half😉:
what really?
little bro:
yeah i guess she just wanted to prove u wrong
the worse half😉:
wait so it was ALL fake
there's no feelings between each other
at all¿?
little bro:
nope, just best friends :)
the worse half😉:
bullshit
don't lie to me
little bro:
we're just friends that's all.
the worse half😉:
max you can't tell me you don't love her or at least like her
i've seen the way you look at her
you care for her
little bro:
of course i care for her just not the way u think
the worse half😉:
i'm not dumb
i'm over her max, you know that
you don't need to lie to me
i'm your twin
little bro:
look i don't like her that's the end of it.
the worse half😉:
okay then so you don't watch her when she's focused on her homework?
you don't think about her all the time?
even when you're just trying to sleep?
max i've been there i know what it's like to love her, just admit it
even when i was dating her you had feelings
little bro:
okay you got me
but you don't know how it feels
u know what it's like to love her, when she loves u back.
she doesn't love me.
yes i watch her, yes i think about her.
when i'm trying to sleep, when i'm not.
i never not think about her.
i notice all the little things.
all her habits.
all her perks.
all her insecurities.
i can't get her off my mind and it kills me.
i want to protect her.
i want her to love herself.
i want her to be happy.
i want to be the one who makes her happy.
not in a brother way tho
all i am to her is a best friend
nothing more.
she's made it clear
i'm not the one she wants.
but she's the only one i want.
so i guess you're right,
i do love her.
happy?
the worse half😉:
max.. i'm so sorry
i didn't realise you actually loved her this much, i didn't even think you'd admit you have feelings.
maybe she doesn't love you now
but i'm sure she will
*read 2 minutes ago*

woah hi guys so i kinda forgot about wattpad and this book whoops. i found a chapter written and ready to go but when i went to post it idk what i did but i accidentally deleted it so i wrote this one instead. hope you enjoy so sorry about the long wait. also thank you for 8k reads jdhgdhffh🥰🥰🖤🖤 also also didn't edit this so sorry for mistales😂