I've been here for a long time..actually more than I thought I would..that made me happy at first..you know..the feeling that I might had won that war with depression..the war with my inner self and all that voices shouting "you're not good enough" "you should skip meals" and yeah..shits like that..I was feeling good for some time..at least I thought everything was kinda good..things were getting better..well..how irogant that voices never left but maybe decided to shut the fuck up for a while..I got played again..now they actually all came back..the thing is that I feel that something changed in me..I changed..I see things in a different way..even my stance against those voices is different..I got closer to them..like I don't hate them the way I did..and I don't know if that's good or bad..However, all this time I was sober I made friends..some fake other not..it gave me strenght to keep fighting even I didn't know where it would end or which would be the consequences..But now even though I don't actually feel anything I see everything fading away..any kind of relationship I had all this time is just becoming blur..I feel like I am losing everything..including myself..I seriously don't know what's soo wrong..maybe world..maybe this world shouldn't be habitable..It's being a long time since I last felt something strong..and I'm missing that feeling..I just want my life back..my people back..I feel like I've been given so many reasons to leave this shitty world..chances that I probably pushed away..but I don't know..I need one good to stay..Like a kind of salvation..I need something to stay..I'm tired of temporary bullshit..
Well..guys thank you so fucking much for being so supportive..I really love you so much..you give me strength and I'll be here for you anytime..❤❤❤❤
