I think it's the worst feeling I ever had..yeah..being indifferent about everything..like you are not an alive human being..days go by and they are the same..not even a tiny different..not even a small event to trigger you..nothing..and you just sit watching your life walking in front of your eyes..but it's like you can't touch her..like you are not a part of it..like you're just the audience in your own life..and you wanna cry so bad until you feel nothing..but no tears coming out..you wanna yell at people and alert them but you have no voice..and you live like a ghost..you see things but you are somehow captivated..you become unnoticed..I hate it..I don't wanna be a life's victim..I mean..there are times I feel so powerful..but there is always an abrupt end in this strength..when everything makes you feel a loser,worthless..but you know what ? I am tired..like..just honesty and loyalty..is that so hard ?? I want my life back..my smile back..I am tired of feeling guilty about something I never did..I always blame myself..for everything..but bitch..try to be me for one day..one damn day..I bet you're not surviving..why should I ? Why am I always told to stay strong when noone of you actually is..oh yeah..another lie..All that "calm down" stuff and "everything will be okay" is getting on my nerves..yeah everything will be okay beacause it's not you..you're not the one having my life..I prefer to hear a truthful "your life sucks" than a a fabricated "you'll be okay"..I understand that being a pessimist just make thing worse but what about optimists ?..Is there life better or they just live in a buble full of lies..I just don't like falling..I prefer to be as much down to earth is possible..so people, don't be that "it will get better" with me..play it real if you wanna be close to me..
