Um yeah..idk why I am writting this..I mean..most people would say "you're not unloved..you have friends, family and you should be happy cause there are people that don't even have something that simple"..well..just slow down and let me exlpain..At first I don't actually believe that someone can be
unloved..either he/she is or he/she has never been..unfortuanatelly feelings are not something you can control..many people are telling me to put my mind first and not heart cause heart has the tendency to either make you the happiest person in the world or if you're unlucky the saddest one..although we both know that noone is only leaded by his mind..there is always that one person that can bring up so many feelings just by a text message..we're all breaking our promises for someone..promises to ourselves that we won't let anything and anyone to take our control..but being a human automatically makes us selfish and guess what ? You never admit how you actually feel..I have always been under the belief that only heart can actually bring happiness and I still do believe that..but...what if you have to mute your feelings for someone for your both well being ? How is that possible ? When you see someone special losing interest to you, it's like your whole world is falling apart..you feel alone and unsafe..Like you have noone to rely on..that's not actually what I feel..On the one side all I want is to fuck everything up and start screaming but on the other side I feel so numb and lost..like I don't know what to do or how to treat people..I just distance myself so as to keep everyone safe..maybe I shouldn't but I actually have no more strength for anything else..I really wonder every fucking day who really cared for me in the fisrt place..cause even if I feel like everyone is just slowly unloving me I know that is kinda impossible... or isn't it ? Anyway..I am more tired than sad..I mean I am so damn used to be a lonely fighter that it makes no difference to me anymore..I just realized that maybe what I was fighting for so long is the one that makes me wanna fight or quit at the same time..and before some of you say that "how can u give up for just one person when some others love you more than anything ?"..well I have an answer to that too even if I think it won't satisfy you.. I am not giving up for one person..I am giving up attaching to people..until my soul will be healed and ready to hurt and get hurt again..I don't know if that made sense to you or if it was enough but this is all I had to say..
Thank you guys for being here so far..maybe I don't know personally most of you I feel very close to you..thanks again for the whole support I want you to know that I am always here for you..❤❤
