Well I cannot say I recovered..I don't think that will ever happen..at least not completely..I mean..it's hard to realize things about yourself..to see things that u might don't like but u have to accept..I still don't love myself..but I can say that I feel more like..myself..I am tired of people being rude and ungratefull..I mean..I give..like a lot..like more than I should..I can give my life for someone that I really love..and trust me in my case that's not okay..cause that way I don't protect myself..I actually never did but like putting myself aside all the time is becoming sooo tough..there are times I really hear my heart breaking in pieces..like this is the only reason I still believe that I have a damn heart..cause most part of the day I just feel numb..like I am a heartless bitch..and to be honest I have become kind of a bitch..I'll never be able to turn myself into a stone that doesn't love anyone and doesn't care about anything but lately I am in a mood that I really don't give a fuck..I am so used being lied to..or hearing excuses from people so I am just done..like I hurt noone but myself..and no I am not giving up on them..I wish I could but it's too early..so for now I just stand here and wait for them to do sth if they really care..cause all this time I was just wasting energy to take what ?? Betrayal ?? I don't want it..I don't need someone to full me with lies.."oh I am not like them..I'll stay.." yeah bullshit..noone stays..so don't promise if u are just gonna leave..don't put me in a position where I gotta give all I have and then hear u telling me that u didn't ask a shit okay ?? Cause that's the thing about love..u share feelings..thoughts..you share a part of u..so don't make promises you're not willing to keep..and to keep u from saying..no..avoiding love doesn't make anything better..love is worth the fight.. it's the best fucking feeling..well cause I think I talked way too much..I just wanna say thanks to people that remind me that I am not alone in here..and all I am trying is for them..I mean..I miss being happy either..but I would have achieved nothing without them..and for the ones who all got me pain thanks either..cause I learned..a lot..So I don't regret anything..and some things I would do twice even if they caused me pain cause some people are like a part of my heart..and they can't leave..no matter what..but I think I am healing..that's sth..It will take time..but ya'll heal..
Thanks guys for the support..love u all..❤
