journalism | zorbyn ✓

entry twenty-nine

on new year's eve, i was in my room, sitting on my bed and feeling anxious.

i wanted to know how you felt about me. more than anything, that's what i wanted to know. no, i needed to know.

it was getting closer and closer to midnight, so i thought, fuck it. it was about to be a new year and i didn't want to go into it being anxious and worried about where we stood with one another. yeah, you said you liked me, but that seemed forever ago now. and you hadn't been acting like it lately. what changed?

the clock read 11:47. i forced myself to do this. i wanted to kick myself. i was biting my lip so hard staring at our text conversation trying to wrack my brain to figure out exactly what i was gonna say.

another minute passed. and i had written absolutely nothing. again, i thought, fuck it. i was just gonna write whatever came out. directly from my heart. 100% honest. so i did.

i said this.

zach
corbyn. you and i have
known each other for
a while now. i'm really
glad we're friends and
i'm forever thankful to
have you. you make me
smile, even when i don't
really want to and you're
always there for me. i
know we've told each
other that we like each
other but i don't think
you fully understand. i
like you so much. you
make me so happy. and
i guess i'm just telling
you this now because
the year's ending in like,
7 minutes and i really
wanna get this off my
chest. so yeah, i like
you. scratch that, i love
you, corbyn besson. i
hope this isn't weird and i
hope this doesn't mess up
whatever we have, but i
just couldn't go into the
new year without telling you.
i'm in love with you. i know
we're young, but i really had
to say how i felt. i love you,
a lot. thanks for everything. <3

my heart was beating against my chest harder with every word i typed. i bit my lip hard as i pressed send. it was 11:53. i waited, holding my phone in my hand. my palm got sweaty from how hard i clenched my hand around my phone.

11:54. nothing.

11:55. nothing. i turned my phone off.

11:56. nothing.

11:57. nothing.

11:58. something.

the notification made my phone buzz and the screen lit up with your message.

corbyn💛💫
k

i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. i read that one word, that one letter, over and over and over again. but it stayed.

i poured my heart and soul out to you, i'd literally just confessed my love to you, and you respond by saying "k." my heart shattered in millions of little pieces.

i flopped back on my bed, chuckling bitterly. my eyes welled up with tears. i tried to fight them back, but i couldn't. whatever we had was apparently gone.

it feels as though all the color in the world has been drained. everything feels gray.

~ zach
1.4.18
friday
9:27 am

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

don't yell at me ok. fun fact,
in 7th grade i basically texted
this to my crush and he responded
with "k" so i guess this chapter
was based off a true story.